


Harder Than Easy

by esmereldagrace



Category: As the World Turns
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst and Fluff and Smut, M/M, Minor Character Death, References to Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-01
Updated: 2013-06-01
Packaged: 2017-12-13 16:06:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 27,807
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/826164
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/esmereldagrace/pseuds/esmereldagrace
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>'At the end of the day when you’re lonely, after begging to be left alone. You can look at this world as your kingdom, if you want you can make me your home.'</i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	Harder Than Easy

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the LuRe Reverse Big Bang 2012.
> 
> Firstly huge thanks to msluredin for keeping me from going insane as I wrote this and being the perfect support and go-to person for all my crazy paranoid plot thinky thoughts. A massive thanks to my wonderful beta traciamc for being the awesome beta she is and editing this story in quick time. And last but not the least the wonderful artist whose artwork I was inspired by to write this story, luresoromantic, thank you so much for letting me write this monster of a fic for your [beautiful piece of art](http://i1081.photobucket.com/albums/j356/bhumzi/harderthaneasy-1_zps81f2dc4b.jpg)...it was rather inspirational. 
> 
> Title and summary taken from [this beautiful song](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RUipYiZzIjc) by the same name, sung by the amazing Jack Savoretti.

"Luke, you sure you don't want to come with me? It's Friday night mate, we'll go down the pub and hit a few bars on our way home. I promise we can go to some gay bars, too--just so you're not totally left out."

Luke pushed one last book into his bag, zipping it up, and looked up at his friend in amusement. " _Wow_ , thank you for that tempting offer but I'm gonna take a rain check. I have papers to grade and some lesson plans to make, but don't do anything I wouldn't do."

"That means I can shag all the people I want tonight. You don't do 'em anyway."

Luke snorted out a laugh and shook his head. "Jamie, no one would think you had a PHD with your sweet, sweet words."

Jamie shrugged. "Fuck me, but the ladies _and_ the men love a man like me. I tell them I'm a doctor and they're all over me like dogs in heat."

"Do you ever tell them that you're not a medical doctor?"

"No way, why would I? Same difference anyway."

Luke laughed out loud and followed his friend out of his office, slinging his bag over his shoulder. "You ever think about settling down, Jamie?"

Jamie scrubbed over his dirty blonde hair. "Nah. Tried it once and things got bloody well fucked up and there was just too much pain involved. I'm happier alone."

"You don't mean that."

Jamie smiled sadly, his green eyes shining in the darkness, visible even behind his glasses. "Unfortunately I do, man. Love ruined me, so I don't want to go down that road again."

“Maybe one day you’ll find love and change your mind,” Luke said with a smile.

Jamie sighed. “Maybe, but till then--might as well bang as many people as I can.”

“Jesus, you’re disgusting,” Luke grimaced, slapping at his arm.

They talked some more till they reached the station where they said their goodbyes as Jamie had to catch a bus and Luke, the tube. Before leaving, Jamie promised that he'd fill Luke in on exactly what had happened that night but Luke grimaced at the thought and hoped he’d never find out. The thought made him laugh to himself though, as he made his way into the station, music in his ears.

Despite it being almost nine at night, there was still some lingering sunshine left in the sky and it was abnormally warm. London was so unpredictable.

Coming to teach summer classes at the University College London for the past three years had meant that Luke was more than used to the city and its changing weather. He spent three months here every summer and was so very glad that he’d taken up the offer to work here, despite the fact that he would miss the summers of Oakdale. As much as he loved his family, sometimes a break like this was just what he needed. He felt independent and free, well--as free as he could be as sometimes his siblings or mother would fly down to visit him for a week or two.

But, there was just something amazing about walking through the streets of London on your own and realising that where you are and what you’re doing was all down to you and your own accomplishments.

Nearly twenty-nine years old and Luke had a PHD under his belt, as well as the title of Young Novelist of the Year that he'd received two years ago. His second novel had sold well into the millions. He was riding high on his successes, had a bright future ahead of him and he knew that there were still so many things he had to do and accomplish. Things had never been better for him, except for this niggling feeling that there was something missing, that there was something out there that needed to click into place to make him complete.

If only things were that easy.

Luke hadn’t even realised that he’d made it to his stop until he heard the automated voice call out that his station was next, the name flashing on the screen in front of him. The walk from Stratford station to his apartment wasn’t too far, in and no time he’d made his way into the elevator, to the third floor and was walking down the corridor, shoving a hand into his pocket to find his keys. All he wanted to do was to cook up something quick to eat and settle down with a silly romantic comedy to end the night. He may have told Jamie he had some grading to do, but now he wasn’t in the mood for it.

A figure wearing a leather jacket was leaning against the wall next to his door with his ankles crossed, making him laugh in disbelief. The figure straightened as he approached and Luke eyed him with suspicion, shaking his head and laughing wryly.

"It's been two weeks, Reid,” he said.

"I know."

Luke quirked an eyebrow. "And you only found me now?"

"Been busy."

Luke licked his lips scoffing, and brushed Reid’s arm away from the keyhole, shoving the key inside. "What if I was going out? You would've had to stand outside my door for hours."

"But you're not out," he smirked.

"I could've been," Luke countered.

"But you're not--and I'm guessing that you were hoping that I would drop by tonight."

Luke stilled at that, knowing that that assumption was entirely true but Reid didn't have to know it. "Big ego much?" He managed to open the door then and Reid followed closely behind, Luke looking on astonished. "Did I even invite you in, Reid? I want to grade some papers and I can't have you around as a distraction."

"I'm a distraction?"

Luke closed the door and spun around to face him, dropping his bag to the floor. "Yes, Dr. Oliver. I can't believe you have the nerve to just turn up at my apartment and--"

Before Luke knew it, Reid had brought their mouths together in a bruising kiss and had slammed him into the wall of the hallway. Luke moaned in delight as Reid's hands found their way to grip his ass, pulling him flush to his body, grinding into him with a delicious roll of his hips; knee between his thighs. 

"Fuck," Luke spluttered breaking the kiss for air, hands on Reid's shoulders holding him back as he panted. "Bedroom, now."

Reid chuckled knowingly and let Luke lead him into his bedroom, helping him strip their clothes off. In quick time they were laid out on the bed, Reid having pinned Luke to the mattress. “Told you you’d been waiting for me,” Reid whispered hotly into his ear whilst he slid a hand down and gripped both their cocks in his hand, stroking both of them to full hardness, his lips nibbling at the underside of Luke’s jaw, groaning his pleasure into his soft skin.

“I fucking hate you,” Luke growled, tugging Reid up by his auburn curls, highlighted by the one small lamp lighting the room, and kissing him hungrily till lips were numb. Their tongues duelled, teeth smashed together as they kept on kissing and kissing till they were both rock hard, sweaty and rocking into each other, their cocks sliding together on Luke’s stomach perfectly.

“Reid,” Luke whimpered, the feel of Reid’s perfect fingers on his rock hard dick burning him up from the inside out.

“I know, I know...shhhh.”

Reid pressed one more kiss to Luke’s mouth and leaned over the side of the bed to grab a small packet of lube and a condom out of his jeans pocket, dropping them next to Luke. Luke had pushed himself up the bed by then, resting his head on the fluffy pillows, legs spread wide, his thick cock lying heavy on his stomach. He watched as Reid grinned wickedly, his eyes filled with want and arousal, and Luke bit his lip in anticipation and of course, Reid didn’t disappoint. He placed a pillow under Luke’s hips and crawled between his legs, dropping kisses to the soft skin of his inner thighs, closer and closer to where Luke so desperately wanted his mouth to be.

Luke felt Reid’s cold lube slicked fingers press at his hole gently and he shivered in delight. With deft fingers and an expert mouth, Reid had Luke prepped and ready, the added burn of the man’s stubble against his skin only intensifying the feeling. He didn’t stop until Luke was shaking, trying to hold back his release, toes curling, body flushed with heat as Reid kept hitting his prostate with the crook of his fingers, his tongue flickering against his hole.

“Just fuck me you dick,” he groaned, hands fisted on the covers below him.

Reid lifted his head from in between Luke’s legs, eyes glinting with mischievousness, lips red and swollen, slick with saliva. “Now, now…there’s no need for such language. Don’t you have any patience?” He purposely licked a stripe up Luke’s dick, all the way to the head, licking up the wetness there watching as Luke undulated on the bed with the sensation, moaning loudly.

“I will seriously kick your ass, Reid. Get in me already,” Luke groaned, his voice gritted with determination to hold on.

It wasn’t until he felt Reid press into him slowly that he realised just how much he’d craved this, and he let out a loud but low moan in appreciation. Reid leaned down, his arms bracing on either side of Luke’s head and kissed him deeply whilst he rocked into him in short thrusts. Luke wrapped his legs around Reid’s waist to aid his movement, wanting him closer and closer, deeper and deeper.

“Harder, Reid… _please_ ,” Luke whimpered.

Reid gave into his request willingly and pumped into him harder, pulling out all the way before thrusting his way back inside. The tightness was overwhelming him but adding to his own pleasure, his orgasm fast approaching. He dipped his head to lick at the sweat at Luke’s temple, nosing at his hair before pressing a kiss there.

“I missed you.”

Luke’s breath stuttered at that admission, thinking it to be a something he had imagined. Blowing out a breath, he brought his hands that were scrabbling at Reid’s sweat damp back and to his face, lifting it so that he could kiss him instead. He could tell that Reid was close to the edge, low grunts leaving his throat, his muscles tense, and so he licked into his mouth, cradling his face between his hands, moaning as Reid hit that spot inside of him. “Come for me, Reid--come on,” he murmured against his lips. “Come on, you’re so close--can feel it and you feel so good, Reid…so, so good.”

A few more thrusts and Reid was there, hurtling over the edge, his orgasm ripping through him like a tidal wave as he groaned into Luke’s neck, heart thundering against his own. Luke slid his own hand between them both to jerk himself off but Reid slapped it away with the remaining strength he had and took over, watching as Luke came hard between them, some of his release hitting his own chest.

Without waiting a moment, Reid kissed him hard and stroked Luke through the aftershocks till his cock was too sensitive, body still shaking. Luke eventually pulled him down for a soft but slow kiss, savouring the taste of the man above him, not wanting to stop kissing him.

Luke was in a daze, not realising when Reid had pulled out of him and had cleaned them both up. It was only when Reid stroked a hand through his hair, lying down facing him, covers over them both, and a brush of a kiss to his lips that Luke realised he wasn’t dreaming. Sex with Reid always made him like this. It was a tiny bit embarrassing, but he didn’t care.

“Hey,” he breathed, “you’re really here, right?”

Reid looked at him for a long moment, the corners of his lips tugging into a small smile, “I am.”

Luke sighed happily and tucked his head into Reid’s chest, curling up into him, pressing a kiss to his chest. “Good, but I still hate you for taking so long to find me.”

“Sure you do.” Reid hadn’t stopped carding his fingers through his hair, and as much as Luke tried to stay awake, the soothing sensation of the massage lulled him to sleep. Within minutes, he was in dreamland with a contented smile on his lips.

 

***

Luke woke the next morning with pleasant and welcoming aches. He winced as he stretched carefully, the added strain on his thighs and ass making it known, but he didn't care, it felt way too good.

Gently turning around towards the warm body behind him, he gazed at the man who was still sleeping soundly, a smile creeping up onto his lips. If the reddened bite mark was any indication, he realized that he might have bitten a little too hard on his shoulder after their second round of sex. Reid had kissed him awake in the middle of the night, his dick a hot and heavy line against his thigh, hungry for more. Luke had complied (who wouldn’t?) and had straddled him, riding him slowly, hands on Reid’s chest as he pumped himself up and down, unhurried with their lovemaking this time around.

However, near the end, things had become desperate and frantic, hence the mark on Reid’s shoulder. Luke was pretty sure that the man had gotten off on the pain, though.  Blushing to himself at the memory, he traced the bite mark with his finger before leaning forward and pressing his mouth lightly to it. Reid stirred at the slight touch, a soft sound leaving his mouth, but he settled his head back into the pillow again, lips slightly parted, as deep breaths slipped in and out.

Luke took this opportunity to finally look at the man. A whole year could make such a difference but also not much of one. There were a few more lines around his eyes, a hint of gray in his curls, but the set of his mouth, the frown, the smirk, the low groan that left his mouth when he was about to come, his slender fingers playing him like a beautiful instrument, the way his perfect lips worshipped every part of his body, and his voice sometimes full of sarcasm, sometimes praise, was exactly the same. The man was something else, indeed.

They had hated each other from the first moment they had met two years ago. Luke had thought he was an arrogant, pompous dick who cared for nothing but himself. If he had to be honest, he still thought the same thing, but instead of hating those things about him, he loved them.

It had been his first day of teaching that he’d encountered Reid. Because of a clerical error, the syllabus and notes that Luke had printed for his class had accidently been switched when he’d gone to collect them. He’d been in such a rush that he hadn’t checked, and it wasn’t until the doctor came marching to his lecture theatre and demanded his papers back, that he’d realised what had gone wrong.  A few insults and accusations were thrown his way and before Luke could even get a word in, Reid had left in huff.

Jamie, his one and only friend at the time, had told him everything about the arrogant doctor. He was infamously known throughout the university for his genius and was revered as the world’s best neurosurgeon. Luke hadn’t even known about the man, but the more he heard, the more he admired him and hated him at the same time. It was an odd dilemma.

In any case, it wasn’t like they had to spend much time together since they taught totally different things.  English Literature and Neuroscience had no relation whatsoever, but the first two months had been filled with chance meetings.

They’d see each other at the local café near the university, at the park where Luke would read and see Reid running, the grocery store, walking to their respective lecture halls, the library on the weekends and once even at a random bar they both had happened to go to on the same night. But glares and looks of disdain from him was the norm whenever he saw him. He didn’t know why the doctor didn’t like him and it wasn’t very high up on his list to find out, but there was still _something_ he felt whenever he caught the man staring at him a little too long. 

Whenever some of the other lecturers had somehow managed to gather the summer school staff together for drinks down at their local pub on a Friday night, Luke’s snappy retorts whenever Reid started a ridiculous argument would die before they could leave his lips when he would catch sight of Reid gazing at him, a hint of a smirk on his lips.

However, it had been one incident that had changed all of that.

Jamie and Scott, one of the other professors, had informed him one Friday night late in July that they’d set him up on a blind date. Luke had not been happy about the idea and had tried his very best to get out of it, but it was of no use. After waiting almost thirty minutes and thinking about leaving, it was Reid that had turned up, looking flustered and apologetic. Luke hadn’t been the only one who was shocked that he’d been set up with the man he hated the most, but he should’ve expected it.

Two gay American men in London who happen to work together...why not?

Luke wanted to leave but Reid had stopped him. “Dr. Snyder, look, I’m hungry and you’re hungry, let’s just eat and we don’t even have to talk.”

Luke had reluctantly agreed to the idea and they’d eaten in silence whilst they’d stolen glances at each other. Things felt different between them, a vibe, an energy thrumming through his skin as his eyes locked with the man in front of him, a involuntary shiver running down his spine. It wasn’t only Luke who’d felt that spark, that small something, because when they’d left the restaurant and were heading towards the nearest station, Reid had dragged a very confused Luke by his hand into a small dark alcove down a side road and kissed him stupid.  Luke had surrendered to his lips in no time, letting the man lick into his mouth, tongue finding his, lips sucking and teeth biting, just as if this was always meant to happen.

“Your place or mine, Luke?” Reid had asked, voice heavy with lust, eyes hooded with desire.

Luke was left breathless, not just by the kiss. He’d called him by his first name. Reid had called him Luke, when all this time he had only ever called him Dr. Snyder.

“Yours,” he’d answered without batting an eyelid, without hesitation.

And that was the start of everything Luke never knew he had wanted. 

Two years on, and this was their story every summer. There were no explanations, no expectations. What they had was casual and Luke daren’t ask for more, especially since it was clear that Reid didn’t want anything more than what they had.

And what they had was here, in London, a way to pass their time, to make things better for them both. They didn’t tell anyone about what they had, didn’t clarify their relationship to co-workers but instead let them assume, and when they were asked questions, they dodged them the best they could.

Neither denied the other anything. They did what came naturally to them and through the intimate nights and days they spent together, Luke got to see a side of Reid that no one else got to see. He was a kind, caring man who didn’t care what people thought of him, only that his patients and his students got the best from him. Even though most of their days were filled with classes and grading and private classes and their nights were filled with mind-blowing sex, they did manage to spend time together to talk, to watch movies, and to just relax in each other’s company.

Somehow over that last month, Luke had fallen in love with the man. It was a quiet and gentle realisation, most probably fuelled by the last intense night they had spent together before leaving the city. It was when Luke woke up the next morning and Reid had left a note on his dresser, the words in his distinctive messy scrawl saying, ‘See you next year,’ that he realised, with a fond smile curling on his lips and a flutter in his heart, that he loved him.

He loved Reid.

Whatever they had wasn’t really over just yet, and this note was proof of that. It was with that thought and feeling that Luke kept faith, kept faith that Reid would be back and he would take whatever he gave him, no matter the consequences, even if that meant that he never saw him again.

He loved him after all.

But this time, Reid really did look different.  His hair was longer, curls that dropped past his ears, stubble on his face almost forming a beard and dark circles under his eyes. Reid must’ve been particularly busy for the past two weeks, the reason for a no show for all this time. He not only worked at the university teaching classes but in his spare time he also took on a couple of cases and consults at Great Ormond Street Hospital.

The hectic nature of his job was sure to take a strain on him, as was visible now.  They had swapped numbers the year earlier, but they hardly ever called each other, it was a mutual understanding not to. They’d exchanged e-mail addresses, too, just so the both of them knew when the other would be here. It was lucky that Luke had bought the apartment in Stratford outright when he’d realised that he’d be here every year for a couple of months, because Reid knew exactly where to find him, just like last night.

 _Last night_.

It had been amazing, and after waiting a year to see the man, better than anything he’d ever expected or imagined. His mind drifted back to that moment which he thought had been a dream, but now in the light of day, without the haziness of sex, he knew it to be real. Reid had said that he’d missed him, surprising him, making his breath hitch in his throat. Had it really been true? Or had it been his mind playing tricks? God, Luke wanted to believe, but he knew Reid, in his own special way he did, and for him to say something like that--something so intimate, it must have meant _something_.

But Luke was brought out of his thoughts when sparkling blue met chocolate brown, and he lifted his hand, brushing the back of it across Reid’s cheek, smiling softly.

“Morning,” he whispered.

“Were you watching me sleep?” Reid asked, his voice still full of sleep, eyes blinking slowly so as to get used to the sunlight in the room, a tiny frown between his brows.

“Maybe? You have a problem with that?”

Reid huffed a sleepy laugh. “You’re getting more honest as you get older. It’s a good trait to have.”

“You would know being an old man yourself,” Luke quipped, resisting the urge to laugh.

“Fuck you.”

“Oh I will, don’t you worry.”

Reid smiled at that, his eyes beginning to close, dreamland calling him again.

“Do you have to go to the hospital today?”

Reid shook his head, hair scratching the pillow beneath this head before burying his head into it to get comfortable. “Not till tomorrow,” he murmured.

“Good, get some sleep and I’ll come and wake you up when breakfast is ready.” Luke brushed a kiss to the corner of his mouth and carded a hand through his hair, curls sliding through his fingers.

“Mmm, bacon, too,” Reid mumbled, breaths becoming deep and slow. Luke rolled his eyes at that and dropped a kiss to his nose. “Bacon, too,” he whispered back.

Slipping out of bed, he covered Reid with the duvet, smoothing it over him so that he was warm. Luke couldn’t help but watch him sleep for a moment, his heart filling with love and affection. Things felt right with Reid around, like his life had meaning. He knew it sounded ridiculous because he was his own man, a success in his own right. But here, in London, in his apartment and in this room right now, this was where his world was.

And if Reid didn’t ever realise it then he’d be okay.

He’d have to be.

 

***

When Luke had almost finished cooking breakfast after a quick shower, Reid had joined him moments later, after having stolen a pair of Luke’s sweats and plastered himself to his back, his intention to tempt Luke back to the bedroom with sweet kisses to his neck. But smelling the breakfast the Luke had made, he’d immediately thought better of it. Luke laughed hysterically and knowingly as he handed him a plate brimming full of food, watching as his eyes widened, noticing the extra crispy bacon he’d cooked especially for him.

They sat down together at his small breakfast table to eat whilst Reid read the paper and Luke read a novel, eating with the radio playing softly in the background.  The summer was beautiful here for once, the sun was streaming through large glass doors which led out onto the balcony, and as much as Luke would’ve liked to have eaten out there, it was a little too cold at ten in the morning to do that.

Glancing up from his book to take a sip of his juice, he found Reid gazing at him with what looked like amusement.

“What is it?”

Reid shook his head, bringing his mug of coffee up to his lips, smirking over the top of it. “Nothing.”

“Reid,” Luke implored, touching his fingers to his own lips and cheek. “Is there something on my face?”

“No, there’s nothing on your face.”

Luke frowned. “Then what were you looking at?”

Reid drank some of his coffee and eyed him with a smile. “You.”

Luke blushed at that, eyes dropping to the table, rubbing a hand across the back of his neck.  “I’m not that interesting.”

“You are, believe me and I’ll tell you why.”

Luke glanced up at him, baffled. “Why?”

Reid sighed and placed his coffee mug on the table. “You haven’t seemed to have aged one bit.”

Luke barked out a laugh. “What? Reid! You’re ridiculous.”

“I’m being honest, not ridiculous. I’m allowed to compliment you, aren’t I?”

Luke eyed him with suspicion, lips pursed. “You’re allowed to, I don’t mind. It is slightly unexpected, but I’ll take it, even if I think you’re saying that to get me into bed.”

“Me? Complimenting you so I can get you into bed? Why ever would you think that? That hurts, Luke--right here.” Reid pointed to his chest and shot him a smirk.

Luke threw his napkin at him. “You totally were, jerk. I’m not fooled by you, doctor.”

Reid chuckled at that and drank the rest of his coffee before turning serious. “What are you doing next Saturday?”

Finishing off the rest of his juice, Luke shrugged. “Not much, just here at the apartment. Why?”

“Keep next Saturday free for me? Okay?”

Luke’s mind churned at that, head tilting to the side wondering what in the world he was planning. “Why’s that?

“I’m not going to tell you.”

Luke narrowed his eyes. “Come on, you can tell me.”

“No way, I’m not telling you.”

Luke sighed wearily and got to his feet, walking a couple of steps around to Reid and swung his leg across his thighs, straddling his lap. Reid’s hands came to rest on his waist, sure as to what was coming next. “How about if I do this? Will you tell me then?” Luke bent his head and pressed an open mouthed kiss to his jaw.

“Nope,” he heard Reid murmur, amusement lacing his voice.

“Huh, then what about if I do this?” Luke slid his lips down his neck, sucking at his pulse point. He could feel the man underneath shiver at the touch, his hands tightening at his waist.

“Nope.”

Luke lifted his head to look at him, skeptical. “You sure about that?”

“I’m sure, and also, remember how I said you hadn’t aged? I take that back. You weigh a ton and it doesn’t feel like all muscle to me either.”

Luke’s mouth fell open in shock and he poked a finger into Reid’s side making him yelp. “Asshole. I’ve been working out and you know that after last night.”

“I don’t know about that, I think I might need to have another look.” Reid eyed the offending t-shirt that Luke was wearing before looking back up at him.

“Oh really?”

“Really,” Reid stated innocently, hands slipping under Luke’s t-shirt to palm at his sides, urging him to take it off.

Luke snorted out a laugh and teasingly stripped his t-shirt, throwing it to the floor. Reid traced a finger down Luke’s chest, because damn, he was right. Luke had been working out, pecs well and truly defined, leading down to a hint of a six-pack, abs strong and tight, and fluttering under his touch.

“Told you I was right.”

Reid glanced up and saw Luke waggling his eyebrows, arms wrapping around his shoulders to pull him closer.

Reid flicked a finger over Luke’s nipple, making him inhale sharply. “Sure you are. You still need a bit of work, though. Not as good as me.”

Luke laughed at that, dipping his head and brushing a kiss across his lips, hips rocking gently into Reid’s. “No one is ever going to be better than you in that department, but how about I prove you wrong in another way?”

“What do you suggest then young padawan?” Reid asked, arms circling the man sitting on his lap.

Luke chuckled, kissing him. “How about I give you the best blowjob you’ve ever had, and then you can tell me what you’ve got planned?” he murmured against his mouth, kissing him again.

Reid smiled into the kiss, nipping at his bottom lip. “How about you blow me, I fuck you and then I tell you?”

Luke moaned softly at that, his dick twitching at the words and unable to stop himself from kissing Reid deeply. “Sounds like a plan.”

 

***

Left sweaty and sated and breathless, Luke rolled himself closer to Reid so that they were lying face to face. He peppered kisses to his shoulder and up his neck until he finally reached his mouth. “You said you’d tell me what we’re doing next week, so tell me.”

“Aren’t you going to let this go?” Reid asked, hand smoothing up and down Luke’s back, powerless to stop touching him.

“Nope.”

Reid smirked at Luke’s stubborn look. “I never specified when I’ll tell you, just that I’d tell you after we had sex. That means I can tell you next Saturday.”

Luke wrinkled his nose at that, swatting at his chest as a laugh rumbled out of Reid. “Ugh, you jerk. You totally played me--you tricked me into having sex with you.”

“But it’s worth it, right?”

Luke gazed at him for a long moment, heart swooping at the myriad of emotions reflected in Reid’s eyes, emotions and feelings that he’d never been allowed to see. He lifted a hand to cup his cheek, thumb brushing softly under his eye. “Of course it’s worth it. Everything with you is worth it.”

Never had Luke been that honest, nor had Reid looked so vulnerable, but it was something that had to be said. Luke was scared that he’d said too much, read too much into his words, because he was sure that there was more that he was asking.

Without saying another word, Reid leaned in to kiss him, slipping his tongue past his lips and twining it with Luke’s. If things could be this perfect always...then everything and anything was worth it.

 

***

The rest of the week went by as it usually did. The anticipation of what was to come on Saturday at the forefront of Luke’s mind the whole week. After a day full of sex, Reid went to work at the hospital on Sunday and came back that night to Luke. He obviously hadn’t thought they’d had enough of each other the day before.  Reid ended up staying the night and leaving early the next morning to get back to his own apartment to get ready for his classes that day.

They alternated their nights at each other’s apartments, Reid staying over at Luke’s more often than not, and they eventually slipped back into their familiar routine. Their week had been busy and hectic, but the excitement and curiosity for whatever Reid had planned was thrumming through his body.

In the two years that they had been ‘together’, for lack of a better word, never had Reid asked Luke to take time out for him. Not that they hadn’t gone out together for a meal or to the cinema, but something like this, pre-planned and not spur of the moment, was different, but Luke didn’t want to read too much into it.

Saturday finally dawned, and with Reid not having stayed over the night before, Luke awoke alone in his bed. He stretched out his arms and legs, blowing out a loud sigh, a smile creeping up onto his lips as he thought about what lay ahead. Reid had texted him to let him know that he’d come and get him at five that evening, and so with so much time ahead, Luke thought it best to write as much as he could.  In his free time he had managed to plan out the characters, their motivations, and the locations, but there was still much more research to be done and Luke knew that this would be the perfect distraction for the day.

Just as he’d predicted, time flew by and he realised that he hadn’t even eaten. Writing had taken over every one of his senses, the flow of the words coming so easily that he didn’t dare stop. Grabbing a quick shower and changing into some black jeans and a white t-shirt, he teamed it with a black blazer. Reid had told him to keep it casual and with the weather being warm that night, he knew that the blazer would be enough.

Reid arrived right on time, and Luke let him up as soon as he heard his voice through the intercom, obviously having forgotten his key. Luke giddily ran towards the door, opening it wide to see Reid standing there wearing a light black sweater and his own gorgeous tight fitting black jeans, a knowing smile on his face.

“You totally ran to the door didn’t you?” he asked.

A blush crept up on Luke’s cheeks. “No?”

Reid chuckled. “Sure you didn’t. Alright, let’s go. I’m starving.”

Luke grinned back and pocketed his keys and wallet before letting Reid lead the way out and into the lifts. Luke had found out almost a month into their affair that he had a fear of tight spaces, and so it was natural to him to sidle up close, brushing his arm against his to let him know that he was safe and not alone. However, he was surprised when Reid cupped his cheek and turned his head to kiss him softly but deeply, a hand sliding into his hair, down to the nape of his neck to keep him close. A small whimper involuntarily left Luke’s lips and he felt Reid smile into the kiss.

“You look good.”

Luke blinked his eyes open, the kiss leaving him in a daze. “So do you,” he replied dumbly, almost stumbling over the words making Reid smile wider. The doors of the lift opened then, Reid warm hands no longer in his hair or on his face. “Let’s go, we have a reservation.”

Luke frowned at that, the butterflies in his stomach fluttering like mad. He swore to himself that this sounded like a date, it felt like one but it couldn’t be, could it? In his thoughts Luke hadn’t realised that he’d slowed his pace, Reid far ahead. It wasn’t until Reid walked a few steps back towards him just as his own footsteps led him to Reid, that he felt himself being watched with concern.

“Are you feeling okay?”

Luke, mesmerised by the bright blue of Reid’s eyes, nodded, kissing him quickly. “I’m good, I promise. Let’s go--you said you’re starving, right?”

“Good God, yes I am. And we’re going to be late so come on.”

Reid kept close this time, shoulder brushing as did fingers. Luke had the urge to hold the beautiful, slender hand in his, but wasn’t sure if it was quite the right thing to do. Instead he stole a glance from the corner of his eye, his heart racing unexpectedly, when Reid shot him a small smile. Things were different, that was for sure, but where this would lead he had no idea, and for once, Luke was out of his depth.

 

***

Dinner was amazing. Reid had booked a table at a beautiful Italian restaurant, and since it was warm, they had sat outside enjoying the sounds and sights of the city from their table. The food had been gorgeous and the atmosphere just right. It didn’t feel romantic, and if Luke ever did get that feeling, then he pushed it all the way down.

Conversation between them as they ate had been normal, just as if they were talking behind closed doors, with Reid asking how his next novel was coming along and whether he would ever write a sequel to his last book. Luke hadn’t thought that Reid had ever read any of his novels, they weren’t exactly his type. But he hoped he’d managed to hide his surprise at the question and told him in no uncertain terms that just because they were sleeping together, it didn’t mean that he would slip his secrets. Reid had thrown his head back and laughed out loud which never failed to make Luke smile.

With stomachs filled, Luke had assumed that this was all that their night entailed, but instead of leading them home, Reid took them in the other direction, heading towards Soho.

“Reid, where are we going?”

“Stop asking questions, Luke. You know I won’t tell you.”

Luke narrowed his eyes at the man. “You are a complicated man, Dr. Oliver. I just can’t figure you out.”

“Then my superpowers work,” Reid replied, and Luke stuck his tongue out at the man in jest. “Just so you know, I really do hate you.”

Reid huffed a laugh, looking at him with fond smile. “Sure you do.”

Luke rolled his eyes and bumped his shoulder with Reid’s as they walked down the sidewalk and towards the station, the anticipation for what was to come the only reason for his heart growing and overflowing with an unknown feeling.

 

***

Entering the Jazz Club, Luke realised that they were here for a gig, for who, he still wasn’t sure as Reid had herded him inside, gotten them a table and gone out to the bar to get drinks before he could ask or find out. Reid had joined him moments later, handing him a glass of water and putting a glass of cola on the table, too. Luke looked at the glass of water in confusion and then back at Reid.

“For your anti-rejection pills,” he clarified. “I’m guessing you haven’t had them yet?”

Luke smiled sheepishly and shook his head. “Thanks for reminding me, I always forget.”

“Thank god there is one intelligent person between us.”

Luke swatted at his arm and took small bottle out of his blazer jacket and took out two pills, swallowing them down with the water Reid had gotten him. It had been over a year since he’d gotten a new kidney, and although there had been no problems, a small infection last summer had put him out of work for a whole two weeks of his time in London. Reid had, since then, memorised what medication he needed and when.  The weekend before, he’d even gone through Luke’s medication in the bathroom without asking him so that he knew exactly what had to be taken when.

“Happy now?” Luke asked, taking another sip of the water, his throat parched.

Reid took a swig of his beer and eyed him with a look that said ‘you’re an idiot’, and Luke knew not to say anything more, taking in the quiet hubbub of conversation that was going on.

“Who’s playing here tonight?”

Reid took a breath and leaned back, dropping his arm over the back of Luke’s chair so he could talk into his ear. “I’m not going to tell you. Can’t you ever enjoy surprises?”

Luke laughed, turning to face Reid. “Nope, I’m a nosy person and can’t take not knowing something.”

“How do you ever enjoy reading books or watching films? You read the spoilers and articles beforehand, don’t you?”

“Maybe,” Luke confirmed with a laugh. “It’s just so I know what to expect. The unexpected freaks me out.”

“Shame about that,” Reid said with a sigh.

“Why’s that?”

Reid pressed his lips together, looking disappointed. “Then surprise sex in public is out of the question?”

“Reid,” Luke chided with a snort of a laugh, bumping his shoulder with him.

Reid smiled softly and shuffled closer, tilting his head to press his mouth to Luke’s neck, making him yelp out loud. Reid lifted his head, chuckling, “So I’m guessing that unexpected things like that aren’t welcome?”

“Things like _that_ totally are welcome,” Luke said, nuzzling his nose with the man. “You’re free to carry on by the way.”

Reid cupped Luke’s cheek in his hand, drifting behind to grip the back of his neck, lips only an inch away from his. “Are you sure about that?”

“Yes please, but preferably here,” Luke pointed to his lips with quirk of a smile. Reid rolled his eyes but captured Luke’s top lip between his own, working his lips open with his mouth, slipping his tongue in when Luke opened his mouth wider to take a breath, a small, soft sound slipping out when Reid tilted his head to deepen the kiss.  God, it was heaven--better than heaven. Luke loved the way Reid took control of the kiss, the way his hand felt on his neck, thumb rubbing just behind his ear, the warmth seeping through his skin and heating him up on the inside, blood rushing southwards with just Reid’s mouth on his.

The sound of applause around them broke them apart, so lost in the kiss that they hadn’t realised that the person that they’d come here for had taken to the stage.  Luke swallowed hard and looked away to catch his breath, to slow his pounding heart and licked over his kiss-swollen lips. Everything always felt intense with Reid. He couldn’t pinpoint why that was exactly, but he loved it, he really and truly did. He felt a pair of lips being pressed to his hair, Reid’s hand still very much a presence on the back of his neck. “The gig is about to start, stop blushing like a virgin bride.”

Luke twisted back around and punched Reid’s arm, pouting. “I’m not a bride and definitely not a virgin, you ass.”

“And don’t I know it?” Reid added. “Now shut up and let your favourite singer serenade you.”

Luke frowned and turned his attention to the stage just as the first chords of the songs rang out through the speakers. Without even seeing who was on stage Luke knew who it was, his mouth falling open in surprise.  He took a hold of Reid’s hand on the table and squeezed, looking at him with shock.

“How did you--?”

Reid squeezed his hand back and didn’t answer, pointing towards the stage and to his ear, a smug grin on his face. Luke shook his head with disbelief and turned his head back towards the stage where Ben Howard, his favourite singer and songwriter of the moment, played his first song, ‘[Promise](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EAll4IK6Fig)’. 

The man had a talent like no other, the way his fingers danced across the strings as if it was second nature, a voice that was just on the edge of ethereal but soulful and deep, too. He’d been keeping track of his progress through the music scene since the last time he was in London having come across a song of his on the internet.

Since then, he’d bought his album and had almost worn out the CD. He loved listening to him whilst he was writing but with his busy schedule he hadn’t ever had the chance to see him live. Luke wondered how in the world Reid could’ve known and why he’d brought him along to see him playing live in the first place. But thinking was for later, because now he just wanted to enjoy. 

Luke wasn’t sure if folk music was Reid’s kind of thing but he seemed to be enjoying himself, his concentration very much on the man singing and playing beautifully on the stage. After ‘Promise’, ‘[Diamonds](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2fNeK4DJPMo)’, ‘[Old Pine’](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UzzCthKw_C0) and ‘[Gracious](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GAMZ9k8PR-E)’ had been played, Ben Howard went straight into one of Luke’s favourite songs, ‘[Only Love’](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OWlKZ6C7cDY). He was a romantic at heart, after all, and the song didn’t disappoint live either. If anything it was even more beautiful, and Luke didn’t care that he was singing along even if Reid sent an amused look his way.

By the end of the gig, Luke was resting his head on Reid’s shoulder, the last notes of ‘[The Fear](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dnxCxHLAqn8&ob=av2e)’ dying out. Luke felt utterly boneless in an odd way and didn’t want to move, but with everyone cheering and clapping for the musician, he couldn’t help but join in. Luke was grinning ear to ear; he’d had the best night of his life in a long time. Reid urged Luke to go and talk to the musician and give his thanks, and even though he was embarrassed and slightly star struck, he thought he’d handled himself rather well.  Reid had found the whole situation amusing, though, as both realised just how down to earth the man was, not one for the screaming fans, but just someone like them who had an amazing talent and wanted to share his love for music with everyone.

Reid took him back to his apartment after that, fucking him into the mattress with deep but slow strokes, teasing Luke till he was writhing with ecstasy, keening and moaning out loud.  Having come harder than he had in days, Luke had no energy to move and settled himself on Reid’s chest, letting his magical fingers massage his scalp, soothing him to sleep. ~~~~

“Hey, Reid,” he murmured, lifting his head long enough to catch the man’s eye. Reid folded his free arm under his head for some support, raising his eyebrows questioningly. He was always a man of a few words and Luke was powerless not to smile at that, especially when Reid smoothed away the sweaty bangs that were stuck to his skin away from his forehead, hand lingering on his cheek.

“Thanks for tonight. It was amazing and I really had so much fun,” Luke paused, biting his lip. “I hope you did, too?”

“Good food, good music and half-decent company, what more could I ask for?” Reid said with a smirk.

Luke pouted. “Half-decent company? You jerk.”

Reid leaned up and kissed the pout away, his thumb brushing lightly over Luke’s bottom lip, and Luke felt his heart soar. Just as he shuffled closer to kiss him again, Luke yawned widely instead, making Reid chuckle.

“Go to sleep, Snyder.”

“Shut up, Oliver,” Luke mumbled sleepily, burrowing his head into his neck and bringing Reid’s arms down to hold him, manoeuvring his body so that _he_ was more comfortable. “Jesus, I’m not your pillow,” Reid grumbled, even though he was letting Luke do what he wanted to.

“Don’t see you stopping me.” Luke managed to get Reid right where he wanted him so that he was holding him to his chest, snuggled up close and finally comfortable. Reid didn’t complain again and Luke let himself drift away into unconsciousness pretending that he didn’t hear Reid mumble something into his hair that sounded suspiciously like, “Don’t ever want you to.”

It was his imagination, that was all it was. 

 

***

A month went by and Luke noticed a huge difference in Reid, but he couldn't place why he was acting the way he was. There were more casual touches and more nights out with just the two of them. However, Reid still looked tired, even after a couple of nights when Luke had made sure he'd gotten some sleep. He couldn’t pinpoint why that could be.

After Reid’s beard had grown slightly too much, Luke had trapped him in the bathroom and shaved it for him, complaining that the constant beard burn was getting too much for him and his sensitive skin. Reid had reluctantly agreed letting Luke do the honours, and it was then that he realised just how much younger the doctor looked this way, just like the first time he’d seen him two years ago.

Restaurants, lunch dates, trips to random art exhibitions and a few more gigs at the Jazz Club, Luke's nights and days were filled with surprises that he didn't mind so much. A couple of days after Luke had convinced Reid to go down with him for a trip down to Brighton since the weather was perfectly hot, Reid had told him that a patient of this had gifted him theatre tickets for him and his girlfriend as a thank you for saving his son's life and suggested that they go together.

"Oh darling, you don't ever need to ask. I shall deck myself in my finest pearls just for you," Luke had teased, and hearing the other man's laughter on the other end of the phone, he laughed along.

They'd finally decided to go on a Friday night. As long as Luke had been in London, he was embarrassed to say that he hadn't had the chance to see Les Misérables, and was incredibly excited to finally see it. They'd eaten in Chinatown and made the short walk to the theatre before being led to their front row seats. There were no words to describe just how amazing it was. Luke had cried, and since Reid knew him so well, he'd handed him a clean tissue from his pocket so that he could clean himself up.

He'd thought that after they'd left, Reid would tease him mercilessly about being so emotional, but instead he'd wrapped his arm around his waist, pulled him close, kissed his temple and asked him whether he’d had fun. The blinding smile that Luke sent him was proof enough and Reid had kissed him on his lips this time, "Good, I'm happy you're happy," he'd replied quietly.

Luke felt his heart bursting with love for the man at those words. Never in these two years had he been so attentive and caring, but his words, his gestures were saying a lot more than he thought. There was this quiet intensity about Reid this time, he smiled, he laughed, but there was something in those crystal blue eyes that was on the surface, waiting to be said. Luke knew not to push though, giving Reid the chance to come to him.

A month turned into two months, and with only a handful of weeks left to go till America called them back home, Jamie thought that it was about time that they spent a morning out and had breakfast together. Jamie had called him over to his local café, which according to him served the best full English breakfast in the world. Luke was never one to turn that down, he loved it, even though he could hardly ever finish it.

"So, how did I earn the pleasure of having breakfast with you this morning?" Jamie asked, mouth full of bacon.

Luke grimaced. "Jamie, chew please. You're like an animal."

"Man, I'm starving."

"You're acting like you haven't eaten in days."

"And you're changing the subject. Did Reid finally let you out of his sex dungeon?"

"Jamie!"

"What, man? We hardly ever get to spend time together because you're off shagging Reid the whole weekend."

Luke almost spat out his food and Jamie leant over the table to pat his back, grinning smugly. He had told Jamie about the basics of what had been happening between him and Reid when he'd been suspicious of his behaviour, but they hardly ever talked about it. It just never came up.

"Don't you think you guys should make things official now?"

Luke wiped at his mouth with a napkin, clearing his throat. "What do you mean official?"

Jamie stared at him incredulously. "You're fucking kidding me, right? You know exactly what I mean. I know he's more than just a casual fuck to you, Luke. Give me some credit here."

"But to him it's exactly like that, Jamie. I'll take what I can get."

"Even though you love him?"

Luke dropped his gaze to the table, wrapping his hands around his cup of coffee. There was no denying it, he was in love with Reid and even more so this time around. They'd never set any rules in stone between them. They had whatever they had here in London, and if Reid slept with anyone else when he was back home then that wasn't any of his business.

Luke wasn't entirely celibate either during those months without Reid, but there was one thing that he kept as a rule for himself: it was only Reid who got to fuck him and no one else. No one else compared, and it was an unwritten rule which he lived by. Sure he'd had a couple of one-night stands when his libido got the better of him, but he always topped the guy, never bottomed. That was only for Reid.

"Mate, I think he loves you, too," Jamie added, gripping Luke's hand on the table to get his attention.

Luke blew out a breath, huffing a laugh and pulling his hand out from under Jamie's. "I don't think so, he cares for me, definitely. But love, no--I don't think so."

"Have you ever seen the way he looks at you? It's like everything ends and begins with you. When you fell ill last year, I know for a fact he didn't leave your bedside that whole night you were unconscious."

"Jamie, I--"

"Luke, maybe Reid isn't good with words but he says so much by doing things for you. Isn't that a clear enough sign that he does love you?"

Luke tried to comprehend what it all meant, because it was true. Reid had been doing all the things someone did when they wanted to take care of you, because they love you. Even taking into account recent events, the 'dates' and nights out and doing things together, it all indicated something. But another thought struck him. Maybe his thinking was the opposite of those gestures. Maybe Reid wanted to give him one last, fun summer before leaving him forever.

Luke knew that Reid wasn't planning on keeping this teaching job for too long, so maybe this was just his way to say goodbye. The thought broke his heart but there was no way he could ask him or demand anything from him when he'd never promised him anything in the first place. Luke had to admit to himself that this was something that he'd been thinking about for a while.

"I don't know, Jamie. This is--my time here isn't over yet and I can't ask him to do something he doesn't want to."

"But--"

Luke cut in. "I love you for looking out for me, you’re my friend and I really do love you. But let me do this my way. If I know Reid then I know he'll listen to me when the time is right."

"Then why don't you talk to him now?"

Luke sighed, chin in hand, smiling softly. "I need to find the right time, Jamie. Relationship talk isn't his kind of thing."

Jamie rolled his eyes and shook his head, seemingly letting the issue go, stuffing a piece of sausage into his mouth. "The both of you are crazy," he mumbled, filling his mouth with even more sausage. "Fuckers are in love but don't have the balls to say anything. Crazy, man...just crazy."

Luke stuck his tongue out at him and stole a piece of bacon from his plate, popping it in his mouth before Jamie could say anything. Jamie squawked with indignation and glowered at him, pointing his fork at him for emphasis. "I'm gonna get you for that you arse. I left that piece till last."

"You love me, you wouldn't."

"Don't be so sure about that, Doctor bacon-stealer."

Luke burst into a fit of giggles at Jamie's childish pout and offered to kiss it away. Jamie grimaced, "I can get better, maybe I'll ask Reid."

“Yeah, sure. You’re welcome to,” Luke said with amusement.  Although the smile on his face was genuine, he knew that what Jamie had said had stirred something within him. Talking to Reid about what they had was essential, but the fear that he would drive him away was greater. He just didn’t know what to do.

 

***

Reid called him later that week, asking Luke to meet him at his apartment for dinner. The week had been busy for the both of them and they hadn’t had the time to meet up, only for one quick coffee and a making-out and groping session in Reid’s office before class. Reid had given Luke a key the first night he’d stayed at Luke’s just in case, as had Luke, who’d given Reid a key to his apartment, too. With Reid needing to go to the hospital at any time and with Luke tutoring students well past his allotted hours, their timings were sometimes unpredictable.

It was a Thursday night, and Luke had finished early for once. Picking up some groceries from the supermarket, which was not far from Reid’s apartment, he set about making some homemade burgers. Sure, it was more of a hassle, but when Luke didn’t feel like writing or reading, cooking was something that he loved to do instead.

 Preparing and cutting up the fillings took no time at all, and he was sure to make the burgers meaty and thick, Reid deserved a treat after all. He thought it best to cook the burgers once Reid had gotten home, so he put them in the fridge, finally lying down on the couch in front of the television to watch a documentary about the British monarchy.

Reid came home an hour later, his shuffling feet sign enough that he was tired. Luke tilted his head backward and upside down to see Reid shucking his jacket and bag to the floor.

“Hey,” Luke called, smiling widely.

Reid smiled back, walking over to the couch and leant down to kiss him, his mouth catching Luke’s bottom lip. Luke couldn’t help but giggle into it, hand coming up to hold Reid close.

“My hero,” he murmured kissing him once more. Reid huffed a laugh and lightly slapped Luke’s face.

“What’s for dinner?” Reid asked wandering into his bedroom to get changed and most likely have a shower.

Luke got to his feet and stretched, “Burgers and salad, how does that sound?” he shouted back.

“Sounds good, just chuck the salad away.”

“Hell no! It’s bad enough I let you eat those monstrosities you call sandwiches,” Luke argued, walking to the kitchen to heat up the frying pan.

“They’re amazing and you know it. I’m going for a shower--be back in a bit.”

Luke knew that arguing wasn’t going to get him anywhere, and set about making the burgers. After layering it up with everything he knew Reid would love, he was back from his shower and had held out a hand for his plate. Luke slapped it away and told him to get some drinks from the fridge and that he’d bring everything to him. Setting it all on the coffee table, Luke handed Reid’s plate over to him with a flourish, “Enjoy the fruits of my labour, doctor.”

Reid rolled his eyes and settled more comfortably on the couch, digging in as Luke looked on with amusement.

“This isn’t bad for ready-made crap,” Reid mumbled around a mouthful.

Luke was horrified he’d thought such a thing. “Excuse me, these burgers were made by my own fair hands, _from scratch_.”

Reid narrowed his eyes in suspicion, burger halfway to his mouth, “No, you didn’t.”

“I spent about an hour making those, I’m not lying.”

“Really?”

Luke nodded seriously, taking a bite of his own burger, “Yes, it’s the truth. Would I ever lie to you?”

“Huh,” Reid mused, looking at the burger in his hand then back at Luke. “Maybe I’ll have to keep you around.  You’d be the perfect little wife for me.”

Luke bumped his shoulder with his and laughed, “Asshole, you’d be lucky to have me.”

“I know.”

Luke wasn’t sure he’d heard right and shot a look Reid’s way, but he was back to eating with gusto, taking a swig of his beer. Luke was powerless not to smile at the comment, but, he was pretty sure it was just his imagination.

After they’d eaten and cleaned up, they sat down to watch a film. Well, ‘watching’ wasn’t exactly what they were doing, it was more like making out, Luke on top of Reid, legs tangled.

“Hey,” Reid broke the kiss, thumb brushing across his cheek.

“Yeah?” Luke blinked and licked his swollen lips, fingers twisting in his curls.

“Did you want to come with me to Yorkshire?”

Luke was baffled. “Huh? What’s there?”

Reid let his wandering hand rub at the small of Luke’s back, under his t-shirt. “There’s this place in Yorkshire where they have these old limestone caves and I thought it would be interesting for us to check them out. We can drive up there Friday night and we’ll be back early on Monday. You don’t have a class till later that evening, right?”

Luke frowned, thinking about whether the reason Reid was doing this was so they could break off whatever they had soon with no bad feelings between them, but not before they had some fun together. He swallowed hard and pushed those depressing thoughts out of his mind. 

A question slipped past his lips before he could stop himself. “But why?”

Reid opened his mouth to say something but closed it again, face dropping slightly. “It’s fine, we don’t have to go, it was a suggestion, that’s all.”

“Hey,” Luke kissed him quickly, wanting to pacify him. “I didn’t say no, it sounds like fun. The suggestion just came out of the blue is all. I’d love to go. You got time off from Great Ormond’s?”

“Yeah, I thought a break would be good, for the both of us.”

As much as Luke was confused by Reid’s sudden need to get away from London to be with him, he wasn’t going to reject the idea. It sounded like a perfect break, but Luke was pretty sure there was more than one reason behind it.

“I bet there’s a food thing happening there, too? Right?” he asked.

Reid looked a little sheepish at that. “Umm, no?”

“Then there is, I knew it,” Luke chuckled. Reid smiled at that knowing that no lie would get past him, but turned serious seconds later. “We don’t have to go if you don’t want to, it was just--”

Luke pressed his mouth to his to stop him. “Stop babbling you idiot, I would love to go.”

Reid lifted his head up and bit at Luke’s chin and slid his lips down his jaw to nibble at his ear, hands squeezing his ass, making Luke squirm and giggle at the sensation. “How about I make _you_ babble incoherently?”

“Mmm,” Luke hummed, tilting his head to the side to give Reid more room to work at marking his neck. “How about you make me scream instead?”

Luke swore he felt Reid’s dick twitch against his own hearing that. “Who would ever have thought that a fine young upstanding man like you who has a PHD would have such a dirty mouth?”

“Baby, I might be a fine, young upstanding man, but that’s only what the world gets to see. You get to see the best bits. You’re honoured, to be quite honest,” Luke said eyebrow quirked, sitting back so that he was straddling Reid.

“I’m honoured, huh?”

“Most definitely.” Luke pulled his t-shirt over his head and dropped it on Reid’s chest before getting off of him and taking off his sweats as he swaggered off, knowing that the man was watching his every move from the couch.

Luke was practically naked, his clothes leaving a trail to Reid’s bedroom, clad in only a pair of tight white boxer briefs and he stood leaning on the door frame, arms crossed, “So am I going to have to take care of things myself, or--?”

Before Luke could get in another word, Reid had barrelled into him, lifting him off of his feet and had thrown him on the bed, leaving them both breathless and in hysterics.

“You want me to make you scream?” Reid asked from above him, heat and lust wrapped up tight in his voice.

Luke licked his lips and nodded fervently, lifting his hips to slip his briefs off and throwing them to the side. “So, so, loud.”

Reid gave Luke’s flushed body one good look and rolled his neck, smiling smugly, hands then slipping down to put Luke’s arms above his head, his chest heaving with anticipation, eyes hooded, pupils blown black.

“Well, then...let’s make a start.”

 

***

The drive up to Yorkshire had been uneventful and quiet, barring the radio playing softly in the car. Luke had ended up sleeping most of the way there, his busy Friday having taken a toll on him. They’d stopped at a service station to fill up for gas and for some food so that Luke could take his pills, and got to their hotel late that night. With the drive tiring Reid out and Luke still very weary, they ended up wrapped around each other in bed and fell straight to sleep.

Luke had woken up Reid the next morning in his own special way, which Reid had very much appreciated. Since Reid hadn’t had his fill of Luke, they’d ended up sharing a shower and then left their hotel, with Reid not giving Luke even a hint as to their full plans for the day.

“Reid, come on! Tell me!”

Reid sent a glare his way before turning his eyes out onto the road.

"Can you stop acting like a precocious child and keep your mouth shut?" he grumbled.

"Whatever. If I was a child, I wouldn't be going with you to see some dumb piece of rock."

Reid sighed wearily, "I should've never suggested this trip. This was a bad, bad idea. What is wrong with me?"

Luke bit back a laugh and leaned over, pulling incessantly on Reid's t-shirt sleeve.

"Daddy, don't say that," Luke teased in a childish voice.

Reid pulled his arm out of Luke's reach but a curl of a smile emerged on his face anyway. "Don't call me that, it sounds weird. Especially from the guy I have sex with."

Luke laughed, stretching back in his seat, his fingers tugging and twisting through the curls at the nape of Reid's neck. "You might have to get used to it one day, if you ever have kids, that is. I can totally see you with a little girl though, with your curls and your attitude. She'd totally have you wrapped her finger-- a total daddy's girl." ~~~~

There was no answer and when Luke turned his gaze back to Reid, he saw his face was hard, devoid of any emotion, jaw clenched as were his hands on the steering wheel. It didn't help that Reid had sunglasses on, too. His eyes normally gave away more than he knew.

"What?" he ventured, his fingers stilling in Reid's hair. "You don't want kids or is the idea of them that repulsive?"

Luke watched Reid swallow hard, looking as if he was working out what to say.

"Bit of both," Reid finally admitted. "I don't have the time for them and they're drool machines that you're stuck with forever."

Luke eyed him with amusement. "You know they don't stay as babies forever, right? They grow into adults."

"You're still stuck with them. Same problem."

Luke knew that Reid was an only child, but he’d never really thought he was so against the idea of kids. "Wow, didn't you wish that you had any brothers or sisters?"

"Nope, glad not to."

"Wasn't it lonely, though? Who did you share things with? Who did you play with?"

"No one. I kept myself busy."

"Oh, but what about your parents--"

"Can we not talk about this right now?” Reid snapped, making Luke flinch. He dropped his hand away from Reid’s neck and glanced out the window, his good mood dissipating in seconds. “Sorry,” he murmured in apology. Luke knew--he knew that he shouldn’t have said a word. Reid didn’t like talking about his past life, his parents, or anything that personal. He shouldn’t have pushed it. God, he was an idiot.

He focused on the rolling hills and fields they were driving by, unable to stop wondering why Reid was so hesitant to talk about his past. Truthfully, it wasn't any of his business, and now knew to leave well enough alone.

The rest of the journey was filled with silence, and by the time they reached the caves, Luke wasn't in much of a talking mood.

Luke got out of the car, he stretched the kinks out of his body, arms above his head, rolling his neck to ease the tension there. Slipping on the sunglasses he'd hooked into the V of his t-shirt, and sure that Reid was following, he wordlessly headed towards the ticket booth when he felt a hand on his forearm stopping him from walking any further.

"You're mad," Reid stated bluntly.

Luke pulled his arm away from Reid's grasp, running a frustrated hand through his hair, "I'm not mad, Reid. Just confused."

"Confused about what?"

It was on the tip of Luke's tongue to blurt out everything, to ask whether these trips and so called dates were nothing but a sweeter way to say goodbye, to ask whether he cared for him at all and if he did, then why didn't he trust him with his past? He could take it, whatever he was and he wasn't one to judge. He was a one-time alcoholic with an emotionally abusive ex-boyfriend who had nearly destroyed everything he had worked for.

Thankfully his friends and family were there to put him back on the right track in time, saving him from himself when he was drowning in betrayal and shattered dreams. Reid didn't know _everything_ , but most of what he knew he knew because Luke liked to talk, so it was hypocritical for him to expect Reid to tell him about himself. But Luke knew that if Reid were to ever ask him, he wouldn't hesitate to tell him anything. But he settled for a simpler answer.

"You."

Reid took a breath, mouth twisting into a wry smile. He nodded, "I know that I'm not as open or talkative about my past as you, but know one thing - I don't try and hide things from you because I want to be an ass. I just don't want to remember those things, so not talking about it helps. Can you understand that?”

Luke bit his lip in thought. Reid was being sincere and was genuinely worried, worried that he’d hurt him, and he was powerless not to feel relief at that. Who was he to demand to know these things? It wasn’t any of his business. “Of course I can, Reid. I’m sor--”

Reid held a hand up to stop him. “You’ve got nothing to apologise for. This is me and my--”

“Weirdness?” Luke interrupted with a soft laugh, “I know, Reid...it’s okay.” He sighed and took a few steps closer, hands dropping to squeeze at Reid’s shoulders. “The things I have to put up with, having you around,” he said with affection.

Reid pushed his sunglasses to the top of his head, eyebrow quirked. “Have you ever thought, Dr. Snyder, that I’ve had to put up with your crazy middle of the night writing sprees which have ended up with me getting almost punched in the face because you couldn’t be disturbed. I also have to make sure you take your medication because you’re too forgetful and the same thing with food, you forget about it when you start working. And you don’t think having you around is a hassle for me?”

Luke grinned knowingly, folding his arms across his chest. “Is that so? How about tonight I become less of a hassle for you by sleeping on the couch in the hotel room? That sounds good to me.”

“Threatening to withhold sex just because I hurt your ‘feelings’? Please, Luke--I’ve heard that before.” Reid put his sunglasses back on and patted Luke’s cheek lightly, “I know by the end of the night you’ll be back in bed with me, unable to resist my charms. So, let’s just assume that what you just said _hadn’t_ been said and we can make a start to our day. What do you say?”

Luke was sure that whatever Reid has said was true, he could never deny the man anything, his smug grin undoing everything he’d been planning to throw back at him. He wrinkled his nose and blew out a breath, but couldn’t resist leaning forward and dropping a hard kiss to Reid’s mouth. “Just so you know, I hate you.”

Reid huffed a laugh, “Sure you do.” Luke smiled brightly and let Reid lead the way, hand to the small of his back. “Let’s go and see those dumb pieces of rock,” he added, with an exaggerated smile, but Luke just smiled brighter, a spring in his step.

 

***

The caves that Reid had taken him to had been the most surreal and beautiful experience. They'd come to see the White Scar caves, the longest show caves in Britain, and with a guide with them, they had been able to see thousands of stalactites as well as the thundering underground waterfalls and streams. It was as if they were in another world. Luke had thought that Reid may have freaked out about being in such a place underground because of his fear of tight spaces, but with the caves being so spacious and the roof way above their heads, he seemed to be okay. Even so, Luke kept close to him.

However, there was one part of the cave that required them to navigate through a small gap, Reid seemed unfazed but Luke could tell by his body language that he was nervous. Luke took a hold of his hand and winked his way, not saying a word, and walked ahead of him, pulling him behind so Reid knew he’d be okay.

So the caves weren’t exactly dumb pieces of rock and Luke was quick to admit that as they stood in one place in the ‘Battlefield Cavern’ where there was a walkway that would lead them outside again, into the real world. Luke hands were gripping the railing, head looking up at the beautiful but deadly formations of rock, the lights inside the cave reflecting off of them like diamonds. He felt a warmth envelop his back, hands coming to rest on his narrow hips and a pair of lips on his neck.

“You okay?”

Luke twisted his head round to find Reid just there, their hardhats knocking together making them both laugh, his sharp blue eyes glittering just like those stalagmites above their heads. ‘God--could he always just be here with me?’ Luke pleaded to whatever higher power that existed.

“Yeah, I’m good--better than good. This place, Reid--it’s beautiful.”

Reid just smiled at that and squeezed at his waist, pulling away from him. “Let’s get out of here and get some food. I’m starving.”

Luke sighed, back of his hand to his forehead turning around to face him, pretending to faint. “Oh doctor, you are such a romantic--I think I may just swoon.”

Reid made a face. “Oh dear god, let’s just get out of here before any of that happens.”

Luck snorted a laugh and followed Reid out, his amused grin making Luke’s heart feel incredibly light and happy.

They finally did get something to eat at the local café just outside the cave sight. Luke hadn’t realised just how hungry he was after all the walking. What Luke hadn’t realised was that Reid had plans for even more walking. Being within the Yorkshire Dales National Park, they took the opportunity to take in the breathtaking countryside, the woods, and the gorgeous, cascading waterfalls that they’d passed by. The fresh air made Luke feel especially energised and he couldn’t believe he’d never been here, somewhere so quiet and peaceful.

Mentioning that to Reid made him grin wickedly. But Luke offered something more appropriate for their surroundings, and so they ended up making out for a good ten minutes in a secluded area, with Luke against a tree and Reid packed in close to him. Luke burst into a fit of giggles when Reid suddenly broke the kiss hearing a group of people heading their way.

“Rebels we are, such rebels,” Luke said, patting at his chest and leaning in to bite at his ear. Unable to stop touching him, Luke slipped his lips down the column of his neck, pressing open mouth kisses there.

Reid pushed him away, looking over his shoulder, squinting to look through the trees. “Stop, I think there are kids with them, too.”

Luke raised his eyebrows in shock. “You’re the one who wanted me to blow you! You’re lucky they’re not walking into the middle of that.”

“You owe me that, by the way, the making out was just a counter offer.”

“Yes, okay--I promise to blow you later.”

Reid shuffled closer, pressing him into the tree again. “How about we get out of here and you can blow me in the car?”

“Reid!”

“You said later.”

“I mean later when we’re in bed tonight and I have you all naked, sweaty and screaming my name. I want you all to myself.”

A cough interrupted their conversation, and when Luke and Reid turned in the direction of the sound, they found a young family staring at them, their two kids looking totally unfazed. The parents had amused smiles on their faces.

“Hey,” Luke squeaked out, taking a hold of Reid’s arm, dragging him along. “We’re just going to go now--sorry?”

Luke was mortified and Reid laughed all the way to the car.

Reid had driven them to a local village after that, Luke’s embarrassment having died down somewhat, where they spent the evening at the local pub, eating the delicious local food and partaking in their daily quiz night. Luke was so very glad that Reid was on his team, his genius being a major part of their win.

All in all it had been an amazing night, but even more of an amazing day. Later that night, when they’d gotten back to their hotel, Luke fulfilled his promise and gave Reid a whole lot more than he expected, not that Reid was ever going to stop him.

Boneless and satisfied, the day’s events and lethargy catching up with them both, they fell straight to sleep looking forward to what the next day held for them both.

 

***

Luke awoke early that morning to bright sunshine again. He didn’t know what was up with the British weather this time around, but he wasn’t complaining. The sunshine here was just different--in its own way. Reid was already in the shower, his soft singing voice somehow audible through the sound of the pounding water.

Luke had known that Reid could sing beautifully ever since he’d known him and wasn’t sure if Reid even knew that he sang while he was in the shower. In any case, he always assumed Luke was asleep and so felt comfortable enough to sing out loud. If he only knew that Luke was often feigning sleep, just like he was now.

Luke was never too sure what he was singing, but he loved the sound of his voice. It almost always lulled him back into a doze, so feigning sleep wasn’t always so hard. He hadn’t realised that he’d fallen back into a slumber until he felt cold drops of water fall on his face and chest, jerking him awake. Luke threw a hand across his face and turned his head into the pillow, groaning sleepily.

“Luke, come on--get up.”

“No,” he moaned.

Reid purposely shook his head so that even more drops of water from his hair fell onto Luke’s back, causing him to shiver and whine, making him curl up into a ball.

“Reid, stop it!”

“Get your ass up and out of bed, otherwise no sex for tonight.”

Luke groaned again and turned onto his back to find Reid sitting next to him on the bed and he blinked rapidly so that he could get used to the sunshine in the room again. “Why do we always blackmail each other with sex? It’s not fair,” he croaked, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes.

“Because sex is great and we can’t live without it for even a day?”

Luke sat up and shook his head, trying to flatten his crazy bed hair. “I can totally live without it--I have better willpower than you.”

Reid rubbed the towel he had through his hair, not sure whether Luke was joking or not. “Really?”

“Totally, you wanna bet?”

Reid mused that for a moment before holding his hand out. “Sure, no sex for the next week and we’ll see who breaks first, how does that sound?”

Luke’s face fell and he swallowed hard. That sounded... _horrible_. “A _week_?”

“You said you had better willpower than me...there isn’t any better way to prove it.”

Luke took a breath before nodding and shaking Reid’s hand. “Okay, deal. But what does the person who doesn’t break get for this?”

“They get some mind-blowing sex and the title of the man with the best willpower.”

“Fine, I can deal with that. You wait and see, it’s going to be me.”

Reid bit back a laugh and got up, walking to their bag in the wardrobe. “Sure, okay. How about you get your ass out of bed now so we can get some breakfast and get going?”

Luke stretched out on the bed watching as Reid dropped the towel around his waist, bending down to pull on his boxers, _very_ slowly--taking his time. When his dick stirred at the sight, it was then that he realised what Reid was doing.

Luke threw a pillow at him. “Stop it, you jerk!”

Reid turned around, easy as you please and held his arms out, “What did I do?”

Luke flipped a finger at him and scrambled out of bed, running to the shower before Reid did anything more to entice him, seduce him. He heard Reid’s laughter follow him out and was powerless not to smile to himself.

Luke was sure he’d be able to win this bet, this challenge. He’d already gone without Reid regularly, once he’d left and no longer had Reid around. He was definitely not going to break that easy, nope.

He hoped not, anyway.

 

***

As much as Luke loved the countryside, he wasn't sure he wanted to do much walking today, but Reid had other plans, plans that looked a lot like relaxing, which pleased Luke very much.

Once they reached their destination, Luke was overcome with giddy joy. Having lived in Oakdale, the beach was always out of reach, and so he cherished any outing that got him there. He couldn't ever explain why it was so important to him, why it made him so happy.

It was his rehab centre in California that made the sea such an important part of his life if he thought about it. He would look out of his window every day and promise himself that he would be strong enough to get out one day and swim in it.  And the day he did, he knew he would be okay. When he'd finally taken that swim, he'd cried for hours and hours it seemed. He’d felt pure, he’d felt better than new and he was sure that things could only get better.

It was after that Luke realised why it was so important to him, and that was when the first seed of his novel was planted in his mind. It was about a young man struggling to find freedom, to find meaning in the world. So he leaves home, takes his beloved boat around the world and learns that he's always been free, but he'd never taken the chance to grab the opportunities he had with both hands because he was scared, scared that things wouldn't work out, that he wasn't good enough. At heart, his first novel was his story. His life poured out, bled into the pages and it was the sea that had given him this gift and he was ever so grateful.

This is why he loved England so much, you were never too far away from the ocean.

"You look like you're all the way in Timbuktu. You okay there?"

Luke hadn't realised that he'd zoned out, memories of his past making him feel rather melancholy. They were sat on the beach, side by side, eating a lunch of fish and chips, highly renowned in Filey.  He surreptitiously wiped at his eyes and swallowed the lump in his throat, "I'm fine, just thinking about things, you know?"

Reid took a swig of his coke, eyeing him with concern, "About times that made you upset?"

Luke took a drink of his own coke, rolling the bottle between his hands, "Yes and no, more about times that changed me for the better."

Reid nodded slowly, a small crease between his brows, "Okay, that wasn't confusing at all."

Luke leaned in for a kiss which Reid readily gave. "I'm sorry, it’s sometimes even confusing for me to talk about. But I promise to tell you everything one day."

"I'll wait," Reid reassured him, looking him dead in the eye, "however long it takes."

Luke believed him, he had to and why wouldn't he? He was always a man of his word. Reaching a hand out, he placed it on Reid's, "I know, thank you."

Reid shot him a small smile and resumed his eating, his gaze still flitting over to Luke from time to time, not entirely convinced that he was okay. Luke noticed it, though, and kept up the conversation with him, smiling as often as he could, shuffling closer and stealing some 'chips' out of Reid's paper bag. Reid was not amused and tackled him into the sand, getting sand in places it didn’t belong as they kissed each other stupid.

They left the beach soon after, heading towards the shops where Luke insisted on getting some gifts for his siblings, Reid reluctantly tagging along.

It was mid-afternoon when they bundled into the car, Luke stashing all that he had bought into the trunk, wondering how the hell he was going to get all this home. He would manage though, he always did.

“How are you going to fit all that you bought into your bag when you go back?” Reid asked, as he manoeuvred them out of the town and heading towards the highway.

Luke scratched at his hair, hooking his sunglasses back onto his t-shirt, “I’ll manage somehow. I took back three times as much the first time I left London.”

“Huh, well...I hope your family appreciates it.”

Luke laughed, resting his head on the headrest, twisting round to look at him. “Why do you think they don’t?”

Reid opened his mouth to answer but shook his head, hand falling back onto the steering wheel, clenching it tightly. “I don’t know, forget I said anything.”

But Luke’s curiosity was piqued and he wasn’t going to let this go, small delighted smile lighting up his face. “Nope, you can’t get out of this now. You gotta tell me.”

“Luke, come on--”

“Nuh uh, you brought it up and I’m not letting this go till you tell me.”

Reid eyed him out the corner of his eye, gaze turning back onto the road and he sighed, exasperated. “Fine, your mother.”

Luke frowned. “My mother, what?”

“I met her last year at the university and I got to see enough to know what she’s like.”

“You met her last year? When did that happen?” Luke hadn’t known about this at all. Never had his mother mentioned meeting Reid.

“Uhh, I think I left before you had to meet her, but it was one Friday when you were taking her out to the theatre? Anyway, that’s not the point--like I said, I saw and heard enough.”

Luke remembered that and he sat up in his seat, hands twisting in his lap. “What did she say?”

“I don’t remember much but it’s this vibe, this tone that I got from her. Your mother is nice, but--”

Luke’s head snapped up at that pause, feeling weirdly tense. “But what?”

Reid shrugged, realising that he’d have to get this out. “I don’t think she appreciates your successes and how hard it’s been for you. I’m not discounting the fact that she has helped you in the past, I’m sure she has...but I don’t think she’s learned to let you go. In some way she doesn’t trust you to live your life your own way, on your own terms, like you still need to be protected and that you don’t know better?”

Luke knew exactly what Reid was talking about. It had always been something that he’d felt but never quite acknowledged. He loved his Mom, he did, but there was always this strange way she would talk to him, a little wary of every decision he made. It’s not as if he talked to her about everything that he did, but the things that she did know about she seemed to have quite a harsh view on. God, he loved his Mom, he did but there were times when he felt stifled by her words, by what she wanted. He was almost thirty and with her constant efforts to find him a boyfriend irritating him as well, he knew what Reid was telling him was the truth.

“I didn’t offend you, did I?”

Luke exhaled a sharp breath, catching Reid looking at him with apprehension. “No, you didn’t. It makes sense but she is getting better, Reid. A lot of crap has happened in my life and she’s still wary, you know? She’s learning, as am I. But I understand what you’re saying--and thank you.”

“For what?”

“For caring,” Luke said softly, putting a hand on Reid’s thigh. “It means more than you know.”

Reid didn’t say a word and kept his gaze ahead, dropping one hand from the steering wheel, covering Luke’s own, threading their fingers together, saying everything he needed to without saying a word. Luke’s skin tingled at the touch, his heart bursting with love for the man, a blinding grin threatening to split his face in half. Reid rubbed his thumb over his knuckles for a couple of strokes before letting go, hand back on the steering wheel. But Luke kept his hand right there, feeling stupidly giddy.

“Are you trying to seduce me because if you are, right now is really not great timing.”

“Huh?” Luke was puzzled, not understanding what Reid was talking about.

“Your hand? Nearing my crotch? I really don’t want to get us into an accident right now,” he said with a smirk.

Luke realised his hand was indeed heading Reid’s crotch and he pulled it back with a laugh, “I’m sorry, I’ll make sure my hand is near your crotch at a more appropriate time.”

“That sounds like a good idea.”

“So, where are we headed now? Back to the hotel?”

“No, just one more thing and then we’re done for the day.”

“Oh yeah, your food festival thing! I bet it’s all about cheese or something--or sandwich fillings? Wake me up when you’re done, I’ll be waiting in the car.”

Reid rolled his eyes, lips curled into a smirk and didn’t say a word, turning up the music in the car.

And if that didn’t make Luke suspicious, then nothing else did.

 

***

“We’re here, come on.”

Luke was awoken by a slap to his thigh. He hadn’t even realised that he’d fallen asleep, his full stomach and the smooth drive lending him into a light doze.

“Don’t wanna go, you go and eat what you want. I’ll be waiting here--m’not hungry.” He attempted to go back to sleep and thought he’d escaped, but Reid wasn’t going to let him get out of this so easily. Getting out of the car, he walked around the other side and yanked the door open, pulling Luke to his feet.

“Jesus, you’re such a child,” Reid grumbled. Luke had managed to drape himself over Reid, head resting in the crook of his neck, arms around his waist so that he was effectively hugging him.

“Luke.”

Luke pressed a quick kiss to Reid’s neck and lifted his head to look at him. “I guess I could do with some food, too. I’m just really sleepy.”

Reid suddenly frowned, his hand coming up to check Luke’s temperature. “You don’t seem warm, are you having any other symptoms? Backache, hot flushes?”

“Baby, I only get hot flushes when you’re around.”

Reid stared at him incredulously, the joke definitely not funny to him.

“Reid, nothing is wrong. I just didn’t get enough sleep last night, other than that I’m fit and healthy, so stop worrying.” Luke laid a kiss on his mouth and finally had a look at where they were, his eyes widening with excitement, mouth falling open with shock.

“You didn’t?” he exclaimed, eyes finding Reid’s. “I thought you wanted to go to a food festival?”

“Well, this place has the best of every type of food I love.”

“Yeah, the junk kind,” Luke laughed, holding his head in his hands he blew out a sharp breath, lifting his head to gaze at the man he loved for a long moment. “You’re unbelievable, you know that?”

Reid’s mouth quirked into a smug smile, “I know.”

Luke swatted at Reid’s arm, “That was a rhetorical question, you ass.”

Reid’s smile just grew wider and he held out his hand in wordless invitation, and who was Luke to refuse him? He slipped his hand into Reid’s, a perfect fit just as it had always been, and let Reid lead him forward, his heart jack-hammering against his rib cage, threatening to burst out of his chest.

Luke didn’t even know how Reid had remembered a conversation that they had last summer. Well, the man did have crazy memorising skills, but to remember something he’d said in passing, something that was his heart’s desire, for Reid to remember that? He had no words.

 Only once had he mentioned that he’d never had the chance to go to a fair, a carnival where he could eat all the junk food he wanted, and go on all the silly childish rides with someone. Life had never given him the chance to do the things that normal kids had the chance to do, and although he’d taken his little and brother and sister once, it just wasn’t the same.

But now, here in this moment, it was just as he’d imagined it--even better than that. With Reid having a firm grasp on his hand the whole way, Luke felt overwhelmed with the rush of love that flowed through his body. However that doubt, that fear crept in, threatening to dampen down his mood. He still had that feeling that Reid was doing all of this for him to lessen the pain when whatever they had was over by the end of this month. He pushed that thought out of his mind, though, because here and now was not the place for it. He was going to enjoy every moment and every smile and every touch he got from Reid so that there would be no regrets.

The evening dusk was just settling, not so dark yet, a slight chill in the air cooling their skin from the heat from the day. But with lights blazing and music playing, the atmosphere at the fair was more than perfect. Reid led him to get something to eat first, laughing when he’d realised it was the cotton candy stand.

“Really? This is our starter?”

“Why not?” Reid had said seriously, handing him some cotton candy. “Get eating, there is so much more we need to sample.”

Luke had laughed and laughed, he didn’t think Reid was being serious, but they honestly did just as he said. The fair seemed to be a combination of both a place where people could junk out and eat all the crap they wanted in one day as well as having rides and puppet shows and silly carnival games.

After eating what felt like his weight in food, Luke thought it was the perfect idea to go on the spinning teacups. Luke tried to convince himself that he hadn’t really eaten that much, because, well, you couldn’t go to a fair and not go on the rides.

“Luke, no.”

“Reid, come on! It’ll be fun, I promise not to spin too fast. Please, please, pretty please?”

Reid eyed the ride and put a hand to his stomach, swallowing hard. “Okay, sure--but if I hurl, it’s all your fault.”

Luke just grinned and bought a pair of tickets. “I can’t believe we’re doing this,” Reid mumbled, as they sat down, Luke sitting opposite.

“You’re the one who brought me here, maybe you should’ve thought about that before?” Luke said with a wink, sliding his foot up Reid’s leg, licking his lips lasciviously as he did.

Reid moved his leg backward and rolled his eyes, shaking his head with mirth. “I have made a monster out of you.”

Luke waggled his eyebrows and laughed out loud. True to his promise, he didn’t spin the teacups too fast and managed to snap a candid picture of Reid, looking so very peaceful and content, a picture he would cherish forever, but there was still this sadness in his eyes that Luke couldn’t pinpoint. It was something he’d noticed since they’d seen each other again this year.

Luke managed to drag him to a couple more rides, the Bumper cars, ghost train and a merry-go-round. Reid refused to sit on the colourful but beautiful horses, thinking it a little too out of his age range and so stood on the side watching as Luke rode the horse merrily, smile etched permanently onto his face. The smile didn’t go anywhere even when he managed to jostle Reid onto the Ferris wheel as he complained that he was definitely way too old for this. They weren’t the only couple there that were taking a ride, which Luke was quick to point out to Reid, much to his chagrin.

When they slowly but surely got to the top, the view of the sun setting way into the horizon, spilling gold and pink and orange into the sky and the sparkling lights of the fair below looking like stars, didn’t fail to make Luke’s heart soar. Before Reid had any idea what was happening, he hauled him in for a mind-blowing kiss, capturing his warm, soft lips between his own. Reid tasted like candy and spice and everything that he loved, everything that he wanted forever and always. When they broke for air, for once it was Reid who’d been left in a daze, eyes blinking rapidly, looking anywhere but at Luke, so that he could compose himself again.

Their eyes met for a brief moment, nothing needing to be said, secret smiles shared between them both, and when they made it back to the ground, they both knew that all bets were off. Whatever they’d said earlier that day seemed to have been forgotten as Reid had him backed into a secluded corner behind one of tents that held supplies, his lips meeting Luke’s with a hungry fervour. Luke’s arms wrapped around the man’s waist, pulling him closer so that they were toe to toe, hip to hip, chest to chest, mouth never leaving Reid’s own, never wanting to stop.  Reid’s lips made a path down the silky smooth skin of Luke’s neck, hand dropping down to palm at the bulge in Luke’s jeans. Luke bucked into the touch, a small moan leaving his mouth, hands twisted in the other man’s curls.

They were broken apart when they felt wetness hitting their face. Luke lifted his face up to the sky, eyes closing as he felt the fat drops of rain hit his skin like charged electrical shocks, making him shiver.

“Typical British weather,” Reid mumbled, zipping up his jacket and wiping his face of the rain that had wet his skin. “Let’s go before you get ill.”

They both ran as fast as they could, hand in hand, trying not to step on the muddy puddles that had collected in the grass, laughing as they nearly knocked a couple of people to the ground. The rain suddenly turned into a torrent falling from the heavens, falling so hard that they couldn't see a few feet in front of them. 

By the time they got to their car, they were soaked through; hair matted to their faces and in Luke’s case, his hair was plastered over his eyes. Before Luke could do it himself, Reid pushed away the wet hair, slicking it back with both of his hands to see Luke blinking up at him, raindrops catching on his eyelashes. Hands still threaded through his hair, mesmerised, Reid leaned forward just as Luke closed his eyes, kissing at Luke’s eyelids, one after the other, reverently, softly.

Luke’s hand gripped Reid’s wrists as he did, heart beating a tattoo against his chest, the tenderness of the gesture bringing tears to his eyes. Eye still closed, Luke felt Reid kiss him ever so softly, almost a brush of a kiss and nudged at his nose before resting his forehead against his.

“Ready to go?” Reid whispered, still standing close.

Luke had no words, overwhelmed and overcome with too many feelings that were becoming too hard to explain, to hide. He nodded instead and felt almost bereft as Reid hands fell from his face, his body now not as close as he wanted him, and finally opened his eyes to see Reid walk around to the other side of the car to get in.

There was something happening tonight. Whether it be in his imagination or his delusions, there was just something different about this Reid, something that he loved but something that made his heart ache all at the same time.  Things were changing and Luke? He didn’t quite know just how to feel about it.

 

 ***

The sexual tension in the car on the drive back to their hotel was palpable and Luke knew that whatever bet they’d made that morning was null and void. It was just down to who would make the first move. Luke was sure that despite the rain, Reid was driving as fast as he could, sneaking quick glances to make sure he was okay. The warmth in the car could only do so much to keep them warm.

The journey didn’t take so long, and by the time they’d gotten into the elevator, the tension thick, the anticipation between them had grown tenfold. They hadn’t said more than a couple of words to each other and so when they got inside their hotel room, door firmly closed and locked behind them, Luke didn’t know what the hell to expect.

“Hey,” Luke heard Reid say quietly, not realising that he was stood stock still in the middle of the room thinking silly, silly things. Reid came into his line of vision having shed his t-shirt, only in his jeans, hands reaching out to hold his.

“Hi,” Luke whispered back, a smile tugging at his lips, swaying closer.

Reid didn’t smile back though, his gaze intense and serious. Luke took a step closer, letting go of Reid's hands and placing them on his bare chest, one over his heart where he could feel it hammering through his skin. If Luke were to put Reid's hand over his own heart, he was sure it would be beating just as hard and fast. He moved even closer, lips a millimetre away from the other man's, eyes half mast.

"Who's gonna break first?" he whispered, the words brushing their lips together, feather light.  
There was a long beat of silence, only their soft but deep exhalations heard in the room. Reid's hands suddenly gripped at Luke's waist, crushing him into his chest, his nose nudging Luke's.

Breaths mingled, lips still not touching and Luke could feel his blood pumping hard, pooling low. He was so close to breaking, to smashing their mouths together in a bruising kiss but no, he didn't want to break this time.

For a tense few seconds they just breathed, harsh breaths dampening their skin, pulse thundering, and before Luke lost his composure, just wanting to be close and devoured by the man he loved, it was Reid who made the first move, smashing their lips together in a hard and hungry kiss. Luke was floored by the intensity, his brain struggling to keep up with what was happening and he hadn’t even realised when they’d made it into their bedroom, Reid falling first so that he landed on the bottom, mouths still slip-sliding against one another.

Reid’s hands slid under Luke’s shirt, palming at his now warm and soft skin, still damp from the rainfall earlier.  Luke, realising the need to get naked as soon as possible because he felt like a volcano ready to explode, broke the kiss and sat back on his heels, straddling Reid’s thighs, peeling his t-shirt off and throwing it to the floor. Reid looked utterly debauched, lips red and swollen, but the look in his eyes made Luke’s breath stutter.

The trust, and dare he say it, _love_ , was overwhelming, and not wanting to be apart from him any longer, he stripped his jeans and underwear, helping Reid do the same and finally, _finally_ , captured his lips between his own again.

Even though it had been Reid who’d broken, Reid who’d come into his life and made everything so much better, it was Luke who wanted to take control this time, and so he did. Leaving Reid’s mouth, he lay open mouthed kisses across his cheek, down his neck and licked up at the sweat gathering there, making Reid grunt in surprise; arching into him, their now hard cocks sliding against one another. 

Luke continued his pilgrimage down Reid’s chest, hands spanning his sides as he licked, bit and sucked on every spare inch of Reid’s chest, paying special attention to his nipples, earning him a, “Fuck, yes, Luke,” in approval. Muscles fluttered under his touch, under his mouth, the red flush of arousal creeping up both their bodies, turning them on more than thought possible. Reid’s hand in Luke’s hair had eventually guided him down to his cock, throbbing and wet at the head, clamouring for attention. In no time, Luke had his full cupid-bow lips wrapped around his length, sliding up and down once before pulling back to lick at the wetness at the head, Reid’s hands fisted in the sheets, overcome with pleasure.

With Luke’s expert tongue, mouth and hands, Reid was so very close to the edge, but God, Luke loved doing this, he loved watching Reid come apart this way, bathed in the glow of pleasure and arousal, so close to breaking into a million tiny pieces just for him, _because_ of him. He loved it especially when Reid fucked into his mouth, the feel of his hot and heavy cock gliding across his tongue and hitting the back of his throat, sending sparks tingling down his spine and straight to his own neglected cock.

“Luke, hey--come here...”

Luke didn’t hear him at first, not wanting to stop, but a sharp tug at his hair had him almost choke. He pulled off of Reid’s cock, lifting an eyebrow in confusion, plush overused lips pressing a kiss to his hip. Reid beckoned him closer, though, and Luke obliged, sliding up his body and kissing him deeply. His hand cradled Reid’s face as he licked into his mouth, rocking and grinding into each other instinctually, so very close to falling and succumbing to that ultimate pleasure.

Luke knew where this was heading, and after the day they’d had today, all he wanted was Reid to be close, as close as he could be, inside him and filling him--making him feel complete. Taking one of Reid’s hands that was currently entrenched in his hair, and sucking on a finger, he slid Reid’s hand down and down, into the crease of his ass, intention crystal clear. Reid dragged his hand away though, ripping his mouth away from Luke, cupping his cheek and rubbing a thumb over his lips, he stared up at him with a strange look in his eyes, leaving Luke baffled.

“Hey, what?” Luke breathed, stomach suddenly dropping in worry. Wordlessly, Reid urged Luke off of him and reached for the lube and condoms they’d stashed in the drawers next to their bed, and pushed them into Luke’s hand.

“I want you to fuck me,” Reid said bluntly, no hesitancy in his voice.

Luke looked at what he had in his hands and then back up at Reid, eyes widening in shock, his dick twitching at the thought.  “ _What_?”

They had never in their time together had done this and he had no idea what had brought this on. Reid was strictly a top and God, he was good at it, good at taking control and giving him what he needed because he was Reid, he knew Luke inside out. Was he even sure he wanted this? Was he delusional? Alcohol couldn’t have put this thought in Reid’s head because he knew Reid hadn’t drank a drop of it today. Then what could it be?

Reid didn’t say anything, he just closed the distance between them, pressing their mouths together soft and sweet.

“I’m sure, Luke--believe me.”

Luke swallowed hard, a shudder running through his body at the thought. “But you and me, we’ve never,” he paused to take a sharp breath, “...what if I hurt--”

“You’re not going to hurt me, you couldn’t. Not ever,” Reid stated with surety, boring his eyes into Luke’s. “Listen to me once, would you?”

Luke’s bottom lip jutted out at that accusation. “I do listen to you.”

“Well then, listen to me now because I’m not going to say it again, okay?”

Luke looked at him for a long moment, waiting for any sign of hesitation, any hint of nervousness. But there was nothing, just blinding confidence and _want_ that radiated in Reid’s eyes and Luke was left spellbound. Not waiting one more second, Luke closed the inches between them, pulling him close for a long drugging kiss, hand on Reid’s jaw to keep him close, turning the heat up between them, back to how it had been just minutes ago.

Jesus, how was he supposed to do this? Reid must have so many expectations but he would never ask this if he never really wanted it. Topping someone who isn’t Reid is fine, he’s done that loads of times before, but with Reid, it’s so different and new and scary. But he realized something as he looked down at his throbbing cock, the flash of desire thrumming through his body.

God, he really, really wanted this--and had wanted it for a long time. 

_Stop thinking so much, Luke. Just do it._

Putting the lube and condoms to the side on the bed, he pushed Reid onto his back, covering his body with his own, kissing him into the bed fiercely, taking control with a wild obsession. Reid splayed his legs out wide, cradling him between them as they rocked into each other. Blindly grabbing for the lube, he left Reid’s lips to slick up his fingers, leaning up on one elbow to do so. Once he was done, he gazed down at Reid, eyes filled with more than just desire looking back up at him, a silent conversation.

_You sure?_

_Yes, I’m sure. I’m not going to beg for it...just do it._

_I’m worried._

_Don’t be...just go slow_

Luke licked his lips and bent his head to latch his mouth to Reid’s neck sucking on the skin there, hand sliding down, further and further, his hand brushing Reid’s aching cock, to just behind his balls and to his hole there. Slowly stroking over it at first, just so Reid could get used to the sensation, Luke pushed his finger inside bit by bit, the small groan that left Reid’s mouth as he did vibrating through his own body.

Shit, he was tight and it felt oh so good. Sure that Reid had gotten used to the one finger that he was opening him up with, he slid in another one alongside it, scissoring him open as he left a bruising mark on the skin of his neck. Lifting his head, he rested his forehead with Reid’s, adding another finger, moaning along with Reid as he vibrated with pleasure, kissing sloppy and wet.

Reid was struggling to keep control now, but Luke wanted him to be fully prepared, more than willing to keep going until he was sure that Reid wouldn’t be in pain. He didn’t know if Reid had ever done this or how long it’d been since he’d bottomed for anyone, but pain wasn’t an option.

“Luke, come on--I’m good. Fuck me now,” Reid panted against Luke’s mouth.

Luke suckled on Reid’s lower lip, and then licked at the drop of sweat he could see on his upper lip. “But--”

Reid shook his head, wriggling free of Luke’s fingers in his ass. “But nothing, just fuck me.”

Without saying anything more, Reid flipped onto all fours, his glorious muscled back and pert ass clear to see and Jesus, just the sight of that brought Luke close to coming.  Luke watched as Reid looked over his shoulder expectantly, raising a questioning eyebrow.

“Luke, come on,” he growled.

Luke nodded and pushed his hair back from his face, draping himself carefully over Reid’s body, hands slotting into place at his narrow waist as he rained soft but wet kisses on his neck, down his spine teasingly, smirking into his skin, hearing Reid grunt in pleasure when he flickered his tongue over his lube slicked opening. 

“Stop fucking teasing me,” Luke heard Reid grumble. “Get on with it.”

But Luke just laughed softly against his skin, before pressing a quick kiss to the base of his spine and sat up to grab the condom. Giving his dick a few tugs, he sheathed himself with the condom, slicking himself up, the head of his dick poised at Reid’s opening.

Grabbing on tightly to Reid’s hips in a grip he was sure would leave bruises, he slowly but surely, pushed himself inside of him--trying so very hard not to come as the heat and tightness surrounded him. Luke bent down and breathed harshly into Reid’s neck, peppering kisses there, reigning himself back in. Reid’s low groan doing nothing to stop his cock from throbbing even harder.

“God, Reid... _fuck_...tell me when to move, ‘kay?”

It took a few moments but when Reid reached a hand back to squeeze at his thigh, urging him to shift, Luke pulled out in earnest and thrust back in till he bottomed out, wrenching a loud moan out of Reid. Luke went at a steady pace at first, slow but deep strokes, the feel of Reid around him better than he had ever imagined. Soon enough Reid was asking for 'more' and 'harder', pushing his hips back into Luke's, the sound of their skin slapping together obscene as Luke pumped into him, growing louder with each stroke.

Reid was unusually vocal, obscenities, words of praise and Luke's name spilling from his mouth in a voice no louder than a whisper, punctuated by a few low and deep groans in between as he hit that sweet spot inside of him. Sweat was dripping from his face and onto Reid's back, hot white sparks coursing through his body as he came closer to letting go. Luke dropped his forehead to Reid's sweat damp back, sure that Reid was in a similar state and dropped his hand from his waist to wrap it around Reid's cock, jerking him in time with his thrusts.

"Gonna come soon, Reid--you feel so good around me, so good, so tight for me. You there, too?"  
Reid's hands twisted in the sheets, toes curling and he dropped his head into the pillow, unable to take the feel of Luke's deft fingers and hands on his dick bringing him closer to flying off the edge.

A twist and a flick over head of his cock and a couple more hard thrusts that hit him right on that bundle of nerves inside of him and Reid came hard with a loud ' _fuck_ ', spilling copious amounts of come over his fingers, aiding Luke in stroking him through the aftershocks. Luke wasn't far behind though, a few more stuttered thrusts and he was right there with Reid. His orgasm flooded through him, making him see stars, his cries muffled by the skin of Reid’s neck as he came explosively.

Jesus, nothing had ever felt so fucking good.

Having slumped over Reid in exhaustion and orgasmic bliss, he leaned as far forward as he could to kiss at Reid's cheek and shoulder before pulling out to dispose of the condom. He heard Reid make a small quiet sound in response, but when he was done with throwing it to the floor, having no energy to take it further, Reid was on his back away from the wet spot, breathless and panting, legs wide, an open invitation for Luke.

Luke was happy to oblige but not before licking up the remnants of come that were on Reid's chest and stomach and around his cock, making a path up to his mouth as they kissed lazily.

The air in the room was now no longer hot and heavy but cool and light, drying their damp skin, neither of the men caring how filthy they were. Luke ran his fingers through Reid's sweaty curls, gripping tightly, never did he want this to be over. Just the thought of what they'd done, this step they'd taken, for Reid to open up this way...it made him feel utterly cherished.

Maybe Jamie was right, maybe Reid did love him, maybe he really did need to talk to him, to make what they have more permanent because God dammit he loved him, loved him more than anything. And he would do anything and everything to never let this go.

 

***

Luke lay on his side afterward with Reid slotted in close behind him, his chest to Luke's back, one hand cradling him close, his fingers stroking feather light across his chest and Reid's other arm under his own pillow, nose buried in Luke's hair. Luke was utterly content having Reid wrapped around him this way, the _thump thump_ of his heart against his skin lulling him into a gentle doze.  
  
Luke noticed a slight shift in the air, though, restlessness evident in the way Reid had started fidgeting against him, and he pushed back into him making a sound of protest. "You had your pills?" he heard Reid ask into his neck, lips moving against his skin, hand briefly dropping down to trace the scar that marred his hip.  
  
Luke nodded, threading his fingers through Reid's on his hip and brought them up to his stomach. "Mmhmm," he said with a yawn, "Reid, get some sleep, we have to leave early tomorrow," he said softly.

A puff of air hitting his neck was answer enough and he settled his head into the pillow, tightening his hand in Reid's, trying to drift off to sleep, hoping Reid would do the same.

"My Mom died two months ago."

Luke blinked his eyes open, confused, frowning in the darkness and not sure whether he had heard right.

“Reid?”

“Just before I came to London, I found out that she’d died,” Reid added quietly.

Luke had the urge to turn around and hold Reid close but it wasn’t the kind of affection that Reid would appreciate now, that was for sure. Instead, he lifted Reid’s hand to his lips, kissing his knuckles.

“I’m so sorry, I know this must be hard.”

The huff of a wry laugh Luke heard made his heart clench with sorrow.

“Nothing to be sorry about, Luke. She--made things easy for herself all the time. This was just one last thing.”

Luke didn’t know what the hell he was talking about, but it seemed as if these past two months everything had built up inside of him, whatever these feelings were, and especially since Reid wasn’t one to be so open and honest, he had to let him speak.

“What happened?”

Reid sighed and Luke felt the flutter of his eyelashes against his neck as he shifted closer. “Heart attack. She was doing some gardening and complained about a pain in her left arm. By the time the ambulance had arrived, she was gone.”

Luke swallowed hard, letting the silence comfort them for the moment. “Were you close?” he asked eventually, sensing he knew the answer to this question already.

“No, we haven’t talked in,” he paused correcting himself, “ _hadn’t_  talked in fifteen years.”

“Gosh, Reid.”  It was hard for Luke to comprehend not talking to any member of his family for so long, his mother was a whole different matter. Fifteen years was almost a lifetime.

“I wasn’t the son she wanted me to be and I left, simple as that.”

“Why?” Luke blurted out.

“Because I didn’t study what she wanted me to, because I stopped going to those stupid chess competitions when I was a kid when it wasn’t fun for me anymore, because I didn’t learn to play the piano and learned the guitar instead. Anything I did wasn’t good enough for her and her ridiculous expectations. I crossed every boundary she’d lain down, tore them to pieces and she hated me for it.” Reid’s voice had grown louder, laced with rage and gloom. “But most of all, I was her gay son. In her eyes, it wasn’t right, it wasn’t acceptable,” he said bitterly.

Luke could hear the frustration, the anger and the deep rooted sadness in his voice, his own eyes welling up at the thought of being rejected by his own mother. The million things that he’d noticed about Reid in these past few months clicked into place; the sleepless nights, the tiredness around his eyes, the way he seemed to be withdrawn. And as much as Reid would deny he wasn’t grieving for his mother, he was. No matter what she’d done and said and accused him of, she was still his mother, he was a part of her. Losing someone like that wasn’t so easy to get over, no matter what the relationship may have been like.

He kissed his knuckles again. “I’m so sorry, Reid.”

“Don’t be sorry, she doesn’t deserve that much respect, no matter what the academic world and her so called friends think.”

“Reid, you can’t--”

“I can’t what?” he snapped. “Be honest about the fact that my mother wasn’t anything like a mother should’ve been? The fact that she took any opportunity to degrade me in public?” Reid moved away from Luke, leaving him cold, shuffling up to sit up against the headboard, scratching a finger at his collarbone. “You didn’t know her like I did, Luke. If you did, you would agree with me.”

Luke turned around to face him, head in his hand as he leant up, resting a hand on Reid's thigh for comfort, looking apologetic, hoping this approach would work. “I’m not saying that your feelings aren’t justified. I’m just trying to understand you here.”

Reid snorted dryly, “There isn’t much to understand. It is what it is. My mother no longer lives in this world and to be honest, it doesn’t make a difference to me. I’ve lived without her in my life for the past fifteen years, I can do it for the rest of my life.”

Luke ducked his head to gather his thoughts, willing Reid to admit that _no_ , he wasn’t going to be completely okay. Closure is what he needed and he hadn’t had that, only bitterness and bad memories remain and never is it healthy to keep it all bottled up, to hide it away.

“Really, Reid? Because I think there’s also something here that you’re not addressing.”

“And what would that be?”

“That you’re grieving for her, that you didn’t have the chance to set things straight. Look, I don’t know how the conversation you had fifteen years ago went, but Reid, the way you’ve been for the past few months is proof that you still cared for her, despite the fact she was a bad mother.”

Reid defiantly shook his head. “No.”

Luke’s heart fell to his stomach at that. “What about your Dad, Reid?”

“My dad?” Reid’s lips twisted into a sad smile, looking completely emotionally drained. “Since my mom died he hasn’t stopped calling me. It’s as if he’s been trying to make up for the fact that he didn’t defend me all those years ago. But fuck that, I didn’t need defending, I still don’t need it--I looked out for myself, I didn’t need him.”

“Reid, he’s your father, didn’t you see him when you went to the funeral?”

“I didn’t go.” Seeing Luke’s face fall, Reid clarified. “I was in Africa with a medical team and with communication over there being so sketchy, I didn’t find out what had happened until I’d gotten back to Dallas, and by then everything was over and I had to get here.”

“You didn’t go and visit your Dad afterward?” he enquired.

“I couldn’t.”

“Couldn’t? Or didn’t want to?”

“Both.”

Luke slowly sat up, crossed his legs and held his head in his hands. Things were more messed up than he had thought. Reid was more damaged than he could’ve ever imagined, and he wanted to do nothing more than to hold him close and let him grieve. But how was he supposed to get over this when he couldn’t admit it to himself?

“I may be out of place to say this, Reid, so please don’t be offended,” Luke began. “You need closure, you need to talk to your Dad and if for him to get in contact with you is way for him to make amends, then let him. You won’t know for sure until you actually talk to him.”

Reid looked tense and agitated, still not meeting Luke’s gaze, and so Luke continued, hoping that he’d get through to him. “I had a father who loved me very much, maybe to the extreme--he wanted me to be something else, to be different from who I am. At first he didn’t approve of me being gay, nearly managed to ship me off to a ‘de-gaying’ camp but I stopped him and it was only after a very, very long struggle, he managed to love me for me,” he shook his head, feeling like he was going off track. “What I’m trying to say is, maybe your Dad loves you and has always loved you, as had your Mom, but they’ve had a different way of showing it. Fifteen years is a long time, Reid...maybe your Dad has changed, for the better. How would you know if you don’t even talk to him?”

“You don’t know anything, Luke,” Reid gritted out.

Luke pressed his lips together, the ache in Reid’s voice echoing in waves through his body. “I’m not saying I do, but give your Dad a chance. You can’t let this eat you up inside like it is, I can see it in your face, hell I’ve suspected it for weeks, that you’ve been hiding something. Reid, this is affecting you, making you unhappy...you need to end this somehow, find a way to move on.”

“I don’t want to talk about this anymore.”

“And you can’t avoid this...you trusted me enough to tell me this and now you want me to ignore it, so that you can run away?”

Reid eyed him dangerously, jaw clenched. “No, I don’t want to run away, I just want you to stop talking about it.”

Luke groaned with frustration, voice wavering. “Dammit, Reid, I care about you and you’re in pain, you’re hurting. I hate seeing you like this.”

“You hate seeing me like this? Fine.” Reid got up and out of bed, grabbing a pair of sweats and slipping them on.

Luke was stunned, reaching a hand out to grab his wrist but Reid jerked his hand back before he could. “Reid, where the hell are you going?”

“To sleep on the couch, I don’t want to hear any more of this.” He stomped out of the room to their adjoining living room, but not before grabbing a pillow and the extra blanket from the wardrobe without another word. Luke was left sitting on the bed wondering where the hell he’d gone wrong. What he’d said had been so hard for him to hear, it had definitely struck a chord with him, though. He flopped back onto the bed, knowing that there was no point in trying to talk to Reid, he wasn’t going to listen to him, not right now anyway. He wouldn’t be surprised if he hated him right now. Pulling the covers over himself and settling on his side, he traced the empty space Reid had left behind on the bed next to him with his fingers, for once praying and hoping that he came around.

There had been more than one milestone broken tonight. It was a miracle that Reid had told him about this in the first place, the man had always kept things much too close to his chest. This was a step forward to moving on, Luke knew that, and his only wish was that Reid took the next however many steps there were until he was content and finally happy again.

And Luke? He promised to himself that he would be with him every step of the way.

 

***

The next morning dawned and things weren’t any better between Luke and Reid. They’d only shared a few words, only in answer to the simplest questions, but Luke knew not to push him, keeping his distance as best he could. The drive back to London was silent, well not quite _silent_ since Reid had the music in the car turned up loud, allowing no room for conversation. Fine, if Reid didn’t want to talk then neither did Luke.

After a rather sleepless night, Luke shoved his earphones into his ears, put on his sunglasses and sat turned away from Reid for the whole journey, managing to catch a nap. They didn’t stop at a rest stop this time and it was one in the afternoon by the time they’d gotten back to London. Reid drove straight to Luke’s apartment first, parking in the garage below.

Luke eyed Reid out the corner of his eye as he gathered his things. “You want to come up?”

Reid shot him a quick look, before rubbing a hand over the back of his neck, fingers rubbing at the mark that Luke had left the night before. “No, I’d rather get back. I have a shift at the hospital tonight.”

“Okay.”

Luke was sure he wasn’t going to get anywhere with Reid today and got out of the car, grabbing his bag from the backseat. Slinging it over his shoulder, he glanced at Reid through the passenger window, pleading with his eyes for him to look his way one more time. “Reid, I--” he started.

“I’ll see you around, Luke.” Reid turned over the engine making Luke step back from the car, and he watched as he peeled out of the garage, speeding away. Luke was positive that Reid would come back to him, he needed some time alone, to regroup and to think things through. For a man to have lived a lonely existence for the past fifteen years, not counting the years he may have been neglected as a child, quiet and peace was most probably his only source of comfort.

Resigned to the fact that nothing was going to be solved today, Luke made his way up to his apartment and headed straight to bed, feeling weirdly tired and just not right. A couple of hours sleep would do him good before his class at four.

 

 ***

That 'just not right' feeling turned out to be the worst flu he’d had in long time. He’d woken up just before four that evening still feeling incredibly tired but also freezing cold, the signs of a fever pretty much apparent, and he was sure it had something to do with the downpour they’d been caught in the day before. The runny nose added to the crappy situation, and giving Jamie a quick call to let him know that he wouldn’t be making it in, he’d sent out a quick e-mail to his students to let them know that classes were cancelled.

It was way too late for a replacement, and he was quite sure with the way he was feeling, that he wouldn’t be able to make it in for a couple of days. Gathering the remaining strength he had, he’d hunted down all the supplies he needed; food, water and medicine, dumped it on his large bed and changed into something warmer, curling up under the covers hoping for this fever to pass as soon as possible.

The third day into his terrible flu, he still hadn’t heard from Reid. He hadn’t come over, texted, called or emailed him, and it didn’t help that Luke couldn’t run into him at the university. But Reid obviously needed time and Luke had promised himself that he would wait for him.

But, he didn’t have to wait long.

Luke was lying on the couch, bundled up under his duvet and watching whatever romantic comedy he could get his hands on and was drinking some hot lemon tea when a knock on his door startled him. Slowly, he got to his feet, the effects of his fever not totally gone, his legs a little unsteady.

A louder knock on the door, made him walk a bit faster and opening the door he found Jamie on the other side, grin bright and merry.

“Howdy, partner.”

Luke opened his mouth to answer but all that came out was a sneeze, it was lucky he had a tissue in hand to cover his mouth.

“Eww, mate, you look like shit.”

Luke blew his nose into the tissue and sniffled. “Fuck you,” he moaned as he walked back to the couch.

Jamie grimaced, closing the door behind him with a click. “Charming.”

“What are you doing here?” Luke buried himself under the duvet again, feeling utterly sorry for himself since his lemon tea was now not so warm.

“Because I am an amazing friend, I brought you some homemade chicken soup.”

Luke watched as Jamie set his bag on the coffee table that was littered with used tissues.

“Jamie, I don’t want to eat anything.”

“Mate, you can’t stay hungry and I know for a fact you haven’t had dinner or eaten much for the past few days so here I am, mothering you. Deal with it.”

“Jamie--” Luke protested, but he’d made his way to his kitchen, already grabbing a bowl and some spoons. He poured it out for them both and slipped his shoes off, sitting cross legged on the couch next him, handing a bowl for Luke to take.

“Take it, you dickhead--or do you want me to feed you?”

Luke grumbled obscenities under his breath and reluctantly took the bowl from his hands.

“Good boy, now what are we watching?” he asked, dipping some bread into the soup.

Luke resisted the urge to smack his friend. “Sleepless In Seattle.”

“Oh man, I love this movie! Turn the volume up!” he said excitedly.

Luke couldn’t help smiling and did as he was commanded, settling comfortably into the couch with his hot, hot soup and some good company, no matter how annoying. He was feeling better already.

 

***

The soup had done wonders. Luke could breathe a little better, his throat not as sore, and when Jamie was asked whether the soup had been made from a packet, he’d balked, horrified that he would make such an assumption. Luke had been forgiven though when a series of sneezes shook his body, leaving him exhausted and weak. Jamie managed to find another box of tissues and thrust them into Luke’s hand, making sure he was warm and covered up with a blanket.

“Luke, I thought you were doing better,” Jamie said, tucking the blanket around him.

“I am doing better, trust me,” Luke sniffled. “I was worse on Monday night, could hardly breathe and I had the worst fever.”

Jamie sat on the other side of the couch, pulling Luke’s socked feet into his lap. “Why wasn’t Reid here to take care of you? I’d have thought that he would be here stuck to your side.”

“We’re not talking,” Luke admitted.

“What? Why?”

Luke shook his head, shooting a small smile Jamie’s way. “It’s not my place to say but we had an argument and he needs some time away and I’m giving him that.”

“But you should’ve told him, he’ll be pissed when he finds out.”

“I don’t know, maybe, but I didn’t want to bother him. There are more serious things going on in his life that need his attention, he doesn’t need to worry about me.”

“I think he would think differently.”

“Yeah?”

“Yup, and if you gave him a call right now I know he would come running to nurse you back to health. You’d be his number one patient,” he teased.

“Sure,” Luke replied with an amused smile. “And how would you know that?”

“I have a PHD in Astrophysics, I know these things. I’m a genius.”

That made Luke laugh out loud and he kicked his foot into his stomach. “You sound like someone I know, arrogant asshole.”

“Ow! And hey! I prefer ‘devilishly good looking and an arrogant genius of an arsehole’.”

“You are so strange, Jamie--seriously!”

A knock on the door interrupted their light banter, and telling Luke to stay put, he jumped up to answer the door, his eyes widening at who it was.

“Oh hey, Doctor,” he squeaked out.

Reid was standing on the other side of the door, a furrow between his brows. “You can call me Reid, Jamie--you know that.”

“Yeah, sure Reid, hey,” he said with a bright over enthusiastic smile.

Reid looked from Jamie to over his shoulder to see the inside the apartment, which his arm was blocking the entry to. “So, can I come in or are you and Luke having a night in that you don’t want me to disturb?”

“Huh? “ Realising that he’d not let the man come in yet, he took a step back. “Oh shit, I’m sorry. Yeah no, not at all, come on in. Luke’s casa is your casa.”

Reid followed Jamie inside and looked around for Luke with a quick scan of the room and zeroed in on the couch where Luke was wrapped up in a blanket. They gazes met and Luke blinked a couple of times in disbelief before realising it really was Reid.

“Oh, hey.” Luke pushed himself to sit up and smiled softly, reassuringly, making it clear that there were no hard feelings between them both. And if the fear and worry etched on Reid’s face was any proof, then Luke knew they were more than good.

“Wow, so--I’m gonna go then,” Jamie informed them, grabbing his shoes and jacket, sending them both quick smiles. “Speak to you soon, Luke, okay? Take care, man.”

“I will, and thanks for the soup, Jamie.”

Jamie slipped his jacket on and saluted goofily, sending a wink his way before almost running out in a hurry, a not very subtle way to leave both men alone.

Luke turned his eyes onto the mess in his apartment to avoid looking at Reid for too long. God, it was terrible. The soup bowls from earlier left on the table, tissues littered everywhere, DVD’s in disarray. And, ugh, he looked terrible, too--that was sure. His hair was unkempt and messy, he had a couple of days worth of stubble on his face, what must he think? The couch dipping next to him, brought him out of his thoughts and he tightened the blanket around him, turning to face him.

“You look like crap,” Reid said by way of greeting which made Luke chuckle nervously.

“You’re the second person to say that to me today. Am I really looking that bad?”

“Yup,” he admitted. “But I’m used to it.”

“Reid,” Luke pouted.

Reid’s lips twitched into a small smile and he lifted a hand, placing the back of it to Luke’s forehead. “You still have a mild fever.”

Luke sighed, the feel of his cool hand on his forehead soothing him. “I know, I’m hoping it’ll be gone by tonight.”

Reid nodded and leaned forward, pressing a light kiss to his temple. “I’m sorry,” he murmured into his skin. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

Luke relished the closeness, dropping his head to rest it on Reid’s shoulder, snuggling close. “Because I didn’t know if you wanted to talk to me. You were pretty angry, Reid.”

“It doesn’t matter how angry I was, you still should’ve told me you weren’t feeling well,” he insisted, tightening his hold around him and shuffling backward so that they could sit more comfortably. “How did you manage on your own?”

“This isn’t the first time I’ve lived through a cold on my own Dr. Oliver, I managed.” Luke felt Reid press another kiss to his hair and he let a contented sigh slip past his lips. “You’re here now, that’s all that matters.”

They sat without talking for a long moment, letting the television provide the soundtrack. Luke was more than comfortable. He’d hiked his legs up and had made Reid his human pillow, letting his deft fingers massage his neck and shoulders, happy sounds leaving his throat.

“You were right.”

Luke took a breath, the best he could with his blocked nose, and nuzzled nose into his shirt. “What do you mean?”

“About my Mom and grieving for her? I think I am.”

Luke breathed a sigh a relief, so very glad he’d acknowledged it, and rubbed a comforting hand down his side, kissing his chest. “What do you want to do?”

Luke felt Reid inhale deeply, his fingers now carding through his hair. “I can’t do anything until I get back home, but I think I should talk to my Dad.”

“Hmm, sounds like a plan. I hope that you weren’t pissed off at me, Reid. I was only trying to help the other day.”

“I know--it wasn’t you, it was me.”

Luke laughed hearing that and felt a rumble of laughter from Reid, too. “Okay, I didn’t mean for that to sound so cliché, but you hit a nerve Dr. Snyder. I needed some time to think things through.”

“It’s okay. I thought so and that’s why I didn’t call. I knew you needed your time.”

“Thank you. I appreciate that you can give me that space.”

“Not a problem,” Luke mumbled, feeling as if he could fall asleep any second.

“When was the last time you had a shower?”

Luke blinked his eyes open and lifted his head, shrugging, wrinkling his nose. “I don’t know? I’ve been too out of it to stand up straight for too long, let alone shower.”

Reid threw him a half-smile and pushed Luke’s hair back off of his forehead. “How about you go and have a shower and I’ll clean up around here? And I think maybe I should call my Dad,” he added hesitantly.

Luke frowned, touching his fingertips to his cheek. “You don’t have to do this today, Reid. You can wait and call when you’re ready.”

“No, I think I should get this over with as soon as possible.”

Luke smiled reassuringly, frown disappearing. “Only if you’re sure?”

Reid nodded. “I’m sure.”

Luke smiled wider, feeling more content than he had in days. He let Reid help walk him to the bathroom, ordering him to keep the door open in case something were to happen. The fever seemed to have died down after his hot shower, and with Reid back again, Luke had a slight spring in his step. He washed his hair and managed to stand up long enough to shave, too, but once he was done, all he wanted to do was curl up in bed and sleep. But no, first he had to support Reid and help him take this step. He’d promised after all.

He made his way back to his front room to find it spotless. Tissues were cleaned away, dishes and bowls washed up, newspapers and magazines back in their place. Reid walked back in, wiping his hands with the wash cloth, draping it over the back of the dining room chair.

“Feeling better?” he asked with a smirk.

Luke brushed a hand over his wet hair, “Much better but I could use my human pillow,” he said with sly grin.

Reid rolled his eyes and grabbed the blanket he’d folded up and left on the couch and spread it wide. “Come on then, get in, you.”

Luke shuffled closer and let Reid wrap him up in it, letting the man bundle him onto the couch. He snuggled close as soon as Reid sat down, swinging his legs over his so he was almost settled in his lap, head tucked into his neck.

“Jesus, you’re such a child--you’re nearly thirty, Doctor.”

Luke cuddled up closer, ignoring the jibe. “Don’t judge me, I’m ill.”

Reid huffed a laugh and let one arm rest over Luke’s legs, the other threaded through Luke’s hair. “How long will I have to suffer with this?”

“Forever,” Luke said with a chuckle, placing his hand on Reid’s chest, rubbing it just over his heart. “Thanks for cleaning up in here. I would’ve gotten to it at some point, maybe in two or three days.”

“I thought so. It’s okay, it’s the least I could do after not being here.”

Luke raised his head from the warmth of Reid’s neck and eyed him with a frown, “I told you, it’s okay, I’m not mad at you and wasn’t ever mad at you. Remember that, okay?”

Reid gazed at him for a long moment and nodded, tearing his eyes away to look at the cell phone on the coffee table. Luke followed his gaze and heaved a sigh, reaching over and grabbing his cell.

“So, you want to do this now?”

Reid flicked his eyes between the cell and Luke a couple of times before answering quietly. “Yeah, I think so. Better late than never, right?”

Luke handed the cell over to him and got up to leave, thinking it best to let Reid talk to his father on his own when a hand on his wrist stopped him.

Reid pulled Luke back down onto the couch, so that he was still sitting close but not sprawled over him like earlier, and Luke watched with nervousness as Reid dialled the number. Reid moved forward, leaning his elbows on his knees, cell to his ear when all of a sudden, he held the cell out in his hand and that’s when Luke heard the dial tone.

“Reid?”

But before Reid could explain why he’d put the call on loudspeaker a voice answered on the other end. Luke’s eyes widened at hearing it, realising just how familiar that voice was and no doubt that it was Reid’s father. But Reid wasn’t saying a word back, he was frozen.

“Hello...hello? Who’s there?”

It was then that Luke realised just why Reid was letting him hear this conversation. He shifted closer and grasped a hold of Reid’s free hand, threading their fingers together.

“You can do this,” he said softly, tightening his grip.

Reid closed his eyes and took a steadying breath, licking his lips before he spoke.

“Hey, Dad.”

The dead silence on the other line concerned both men for a moment and they shared quick worried glances, but were relieved seconds later when they got an answer.

“Reid, Son--is that really you?”

Luke could see a faint smile emerge on Reid’s lips and he couldn’t help but smile, too. No matter how Reid felt about his father, there was still something there, something that was salvageable.

“Yeah, Dad--it’s me.”

“Son, it’s so good to hear your voice. It’s been too long. How are you?”

“I’m fine, Dad,” Reid replied, words not coming easy to him. “I know, I...this--”

“Before you say anything let me say what I’ve wanted to say for a long time. Is that okay?”

“Uhh, yeah, sure.”

“I’m sorry, Son.”

Reid dropped his chin to his chest, his eyes closed and Luke tightened his hold on Reid’s hand, an almost bruising grip.

“Dad--”

“No, Reid...I failed you in many ways. I wasn’t the father I needed to be...I let you go when I shouldn’t have.”

Reid blew out a breath, “Dad, stop--”

“No, Son, not today. I have to make up for so much--all these years I’ve missed. Your mother, she--she had a hold on me and I let her dictate my beliefs, and God bless her soul, but that wasn’t the only reason why we got a divorce.”

Reid’s head snapped up at that, his mouth falling open in shock. “What?”

There was a sad laugh heard through the phone. “After you left, your mother became intolerable, not the ounce of the woman I’d fallen in love with and I realised that I’d made a huge mistake. I let her control me and to this day I can’t explain why--we legally divorced about a year ago.”

“Why didn’t you contact me before that?” Reid enquired, still reeling from that piece of news, as was Luke, who was stunned into silence himself.

“I was a coward, I am a coward, Reid. I didn’t know whether you would even want to talk to me after everything. But Son--never ever did I stop loving you,” his voice broke then. “You are my son, you’re my blood and a part of me, I don’t care about anything else.”

Luke could see Reid trying so very hard to keep himself together, and so he brought their joint hands into his lap and threaded his other hand through Reid’s hair, resting his forehead against his temple, a soft kiss to his cheek, letting him know he was right there.

“What about Mom?” Reid asked quietly, voice slightly unsteady.

“Your mother loved you, Reid--in her own inimitable way. I know that before she died she’d been feeling like she’d made a mistake, but you know your mother, her pride got in the way of her admitting her mistakes, her failures.”

“Yeah,” Reid laughed dryly. “I know exactly how that goes.”

“I know it may be too late but I want to make it up to you, Reid, to get to know my son again--I lost him fifteen years ago and I’ve missed him ever since.”

Reid gripped his cell tightly in his hand, knuckles white, and Luke swallowed hard against the lump in his throat, a tear slipping down his cheek which he quickly wiped away.

Reid cleared his throat, his knee jiggling nervously, “How can I trust that—be sure that--”

“I can’t guarantee anything, Reid, but I’m willing to be anything you want me to be. I’m a father who doesn’t deserve your forgiveness, but a father who wants to see his son’s face one last time before he dies--only then I’ll be at peace.”

Reid turned his gaze from the floor to Luke, eyes saying so much more than words ever could, eyes searching for an answer from him. There was so much emotion in his crystal blue eyes that Luke was overwhelmed for moment, but he had to be strong for the man sitting next to him, so he cradled his face with one hand, nodding gently. Reid smiled softly, just a hint of it, reassuring Luke by gently leaning into his touch. He used the back of his hand to wipe at his eyes, collecting himself before he spoke again.

“I think that maybe talking about this face to face might be a better idea. I—I’d like to come home, if that’s okay?” he finally said.

A choked sob echoed down the line. “Of course it’s okay, you never, ever need to ask, Son. I’ve always wanted you to come home.”

There were tears freely falling down Luke’s cheek which weren’t doing any good for his flu, but he didn’t care. Things were going to get better and Reid was going to have his family back, this was the right step forward. Maybe then Reid would be able to get closure with his mother’s death, find out from his father what really happened, talk things through and forgive each other and just move on from the bad times to make better and happier memories.

“But, I won’t be coming alone--I’m bringing someone with me.”

Luke quickly wiped his tears away with his fingertips, confused as to what Reid meant by that.

“Sure, Son--what’s his name?”

Reid hid his shock of the question well, eyebrow lifting but a smile appearing on his lips at his father’s acceptance. He turned his head to the side to gaze at a baffled Luke. “His name’s Luke Snyder, and he works with me here in London.”

“If you don’t mind me asking, is he your boyfriend?”

“No,” Reid said with confidence, smile growing wider at Luke’s expression, “he’s more than that.”

“You’re married?” Reid’s father asked, sounding surprised.

Reid chuckled, “No, not married. Maybe one day we’ll be married, but not right now. I’m not fond of the word boyfriend--it doesn’t really convey everything that he means to me.”

“Well, okay,” he laughed. “I guess he’s your Luke then.”

“Yeah, he is,” he said with a fondness that struck Luke’s heart with a devastating feeling of love.

 “He sounds like a wonderful man, Reid. I look forward to meeting you both. I should go, I’m meeting up with some friends for a round of golf, but I’m happy to cancel--”

“No, Dad--it’s okay, you go.”

“Do call me to let me know when you both are coming then I can set things up here for you both to stay.”

“Dad, you don’t have to--”

“Yes, I do. My son is coming home for the first time in years, I don’t want to be so far away from him again.”

“Okay, fine,” Reid relented with sigh. “I’ll call you soon.”

“You’d better do that--and Reid? Thank you for listening.”

Reid closed his eyes and breathed, _finally_ breathed. “Yeah, take care, Dad.”

“You too, Son.”

Reid ended the call and put his cell back onto the table. But before he could say any more, Luke had slipped his hand away from between his and had gotten to his feet, hand scrubbing through his hair as he paced the length of the room. What did Reid mean by that? He wanted him to go and meet his father and he wasn’t his boyfriend but more than that? That he might want to marry him but not now? None of this made sense, and he didn’t want to believe that niggling feeling in the back of his mind that this could be something good.

“Luke, hey--look at me.”

Luke didn’t hear a word and let his mind run away, his heart racing with a million possibilities. He felt hands on his arms turning him around and then coming up to cradle his face, Reid’s gaze serious but filled with nervousness.

“Do you love me?”

Luke’s heart skipped a beat, he was sure of it. Fuck, he felt breathless, like all the air had been stolen from his lungs.

Reid tilted his head slightly, gazing at Luke as if he was looking into his soul, and Luke’s pulse roared through his body, tears of their own volition springing up in his eyes.

“Are you in love with me?” Reid asked again, softer this time.

Luke blinked and stared into the eyes of the man he loved because yes, he did, and he couldn’t deny it any longer, as much as he dreaded the answer. A solitary tear rolled down his cheek and he nodded jerkily, voice full of confidence, “Yeah, yes--I am in love with you, I am. I have been for a long time.”

Reid ducked and shook his head, Luke’s heart falling to the floor as he realised what that meant. Shit, Reid didn’t love him, he didn’t love him and now all they had would be destroyed because he was a stupid idiot who had to reveal his stupid feelings.

“That’s good to know, because I’m in love with you, too.”

Luke was jerked out of his thoughts, brows furrowed. He opened his mouth to say something because he wasn’t quite sure what he’d heard, but really? Was this really happening?”

“Yeah, it’s really happening, you idiot.” Luke felt Reid’s thumb sweep across his cheek to wipe away his tears. Luke’s hands fell to Reid’s waist and he closed his eyes, hoping that Reid would keep him steady, knees feeling weak from the confession.

Reid nuzzled his nose into his cheek, “I love you,” he breathed.

Luke’s eyes flew open and he inhaled with a shuddery breath, looking at Reid with wonder. “But I thought that--”

“Thought what?”

“Thought that you wanted to end things because,” he swallowed hard, “all those date type things: the theatre, the nights out and Yorkshire--I thought that you wanted to let me down gently.”

Reid threw his head back and laughed like he had never laughed. “Did you ever think my reasons for taking you out on those dates might be something entirely different, Luke? For a guy with a PHD you’re rather slow.”

It took a couple of seconds for Luke’s brain to catch up with what Reid was trying to say and he barked out a laugh. “You were _courting_ me?”

“Well, that sounds pretty appropriate since we’re in London, but yes, they were _dates_.”

“But when? Why? I don’t--” Luke wasn’t sure what Reid meant by doing all this.

“I’d been planning on making us official for a long time,” he started quietly. “But I wasn’t sure if you wanted it, too. I guess it was my mother’s death that pushed me to do this quicker but, this, Luke--what we have, I want to make it official and have wanted to for a long time.”

“What? Like getting married?” Luke asked, slightly hysterically.

Reid’s eyes widened at that. “Whoa, there--hold the phone, one step at a time, Luke. I meant I want to make us exclusive, just you and me and no one else. I want you to come back to America with me, make a life with me and I know you live in Oakdale and I’m in Dallas but I’m sure we’ll find a way to make it work. What do you say?”

This wasn’t true, it couldn’t be because life couldn’t be this good to him. No way was someone who was so important, who he’d loved so dearly, wanted to be with him, make a life with him. After all these years what he’d wanted was here for him, waiting for him to take it with open arms, and a sob slipped past Luke’s lips, unable to hold back his emotions.

He loved Reid and Reid loved him and everything was going to be okay, better than okay, better than perfect.

“Yes,” Luke sobbed out, a wobbly smile appearing on his lips.

If there was any light in the room it came from the radiant grin that split Reid’s face in half. “Yeah?”

“Yes, yes, a million times yes. You dick.”

Reid laughed then and kissed Luke full on the mouth, hands holding his face close, and god this was what he wanted, only this for the rest of his life. He wanted Reid by his side in every way, for Reid to love him, for Reid to let Luke love him, to be with him like this, always.

“Reid, I’m sick,” Luke said pushing Reid away, sniffling loudly, even though he never wanted it to end. Reid produced a tissue out of jeans pocket and wiped away the remnants of Luke’s tears gently, but he couldn’t stop crying.

Reid’s face was etched with concern and love and slight annoyance. “How about you stop crying? You’re making yourself ill.”

“I am ill already,” he said sulkily. “How about you stop being so perfect? You’re driving me crazy. God,” Luke bit back another sob, swiping at his eyes, “I love you so fucking much, just know that, Reid. You’re ‘it’ for me. You’re the one--promise to never leave me.”

Reid dropped the tissue to the floor and rested his forehead against Luke’s, wrapping his arms around Luke body to keep him from shaking. “Shhh, hey--I’m not going anywhere, I’m yours--I’m all yours,” he murmured, soothing him.

“Fuck, what is wrong with me?” Luke was shaking and felt woozy, too much had happened tonight, and he felt like he could drop out of consciousness any minute. “This fever or whatever is making me delirious and all emotional, but know that I love you, love you so much, I really, really do.”

Reid huffed a laugh and captured Luke’s lips between his for a soft but slow kiss. “I know, Luke--me too.”

Luke kissed him one more time before letting Reid gather him in a tight hug, swaying on the spot for what seemed like hours when it was only minutes.  Luke buried his face in Reid’s hair as he breathed him in, because he was his and they were finally together, just as it was _always_ meant to be.

He suddenly pulled back, holding Reid’s face between his hands.

“I’m so stupid, Jesus--Reid. You just talked to your Dad after so long. Are you feeling okay?”

Reid turned his head to kiss the palm of Luke’s hand, one hand coming up to circle his wrist. “I’m not one hundred percent yet, but I will be. You’ll be with me when I go back home, right?”

Luke pressed his mouth to the corner of Reid’s lips, “Of course I will.”

 

***

 “I have a confession to make,” Reid whispered, dropping a kiss to Luke’s forehead.

After the intense couple of hours earlier, both men had thought it was a good idea if they got an early night and were snuggled up in bed, covers thrown over them. Luke was as close as he could be to Reid, one leg tucked in between both of his, as they slept face to face, arms around each other.

Luke smiled, tightening his hold on _his_ Reid. “And what’s that?”

“That first blind date we had three years ago? Not so much of a blind date.”

Luke, confused, pulled back from their embrace and narrowed his eyes. The smug grin on Reid’s face in the pale moonlight explaining everything and he was powerless not to laugh out loud.

“Oh my God, you are an asshole.”

Reid just shrugged and laughed along, letting Luke punch his arm with all the strength he had, bottom lip jutted out in a pout when he realised he hadn’t hit him as hard as he’d intended.

“Just so you know, I hate you.”

Reid thumbed Luke’s chin reverently, lovingly.

“Yeah, sure you do.”

 

 

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_**Fin** _

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**Author's Note:**

> Reid meeting his father was supposed to be the original ending to this story, but I hope to have this sequel up very soon, so do keep an eye out for it. It's currently half finished and languishing in my documents, poor thing. You will get finished, I promise you! 
> 
> All the songs mentioned in this fic don't belong to me and have been linked accordingly. Sadly, the only thing that does belong to me is my man Jamie. 
> 
> Thank you for reading and I hope that you enjoyed this little AU! :)


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